caption continued: anyway, I have a good idea for a new au thanks to you guys... ow<

AWWWWWW LOOK AT THIS BEAN! He’s so cute UwU

awwww he’s so smoL

re// aah ty! it’s been pretty good so far, but today we’re going on a boat and I don’t think I’ll be able to do that, haha- On the bright side, Alabama has good vegan restaurants

okay, okay, fine. I’ll respond. You really wanna know what happened? I fū cked up. I broke up with her to protect her and now she’s leaving pc. I had a breakdown and said some regrettable things around the lines of “I’m trash and you only dated me out of sympathy” whenever I actually made her happy but I didn’t realize that. so yeah, I screwed up. I’m the bad guy this time with no one to blame.

Yeah I tried but she disconnected herself from all contact with me

I’m gonna fū cking sl it my wrists

I cut my leg instead so no harm done really

oKay I’m gonna move back here-

big angry rant warning

I hate this so much. I hate seeing things and hearing things. I hate that V is convinced I hate her. I hate that my brain doesn’t work right. I hate that my mental health interferes with my school work and everyone tells me I’m just lazy whenever I actually cannot concentrate because of intrusive thoughts. I hate that my brains immediate reaction to something bad is to fall apart. I hate that most of my intrusive thoughts are šēxūał and I have to use them as unhealthy coping mechanisms. I hate that I’m slowly pushing everyone away. I’ve been trying to talk to Toby. I miss him. A lot. Yeah sure he was a liar, and altogether a pretty bad person, but... it’s always been him I wanted despite everything. I keep letting him hurt me over and over because I cannot stop caring. I hate that irl no one wants to talk to me anymore. My family hates me. I have literally one friend and I don’t think she really likes me that much. I’m completely falling apart at the seams. I try to look at memes to hide what I’m going through but I need serious mental help. I’ve cut myself four times. Three times on my leg and once on my wrist as a warm up. then I let my dog scratch up and bruise me because she plays rough. i want to deprive myself of food so bad. i just want to fade out of existence. i feel pathetic. worthless. ugly. like a total waste. i was an accident. I’m not supposed to be alive. I’m never going to pass as male, I’m always going to hurt people, and I’m going to die knowing that my existence was pointless

God I just teared up- Thank you so much. and umm I’m a biiit younger than 15 but I can legally move out at 16 without parental consent so that works. Thank you for everything. And the fact that you consider me male just makes me feel so freaking happy. you have no idea. thank you so so much. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and just talking helps a lot. I’ll try my best not to hurt myself anymore.

this is so sad alexa play despacito- I’m having to sit in a car dealership for like an hour and a half and there’s coffee here but my stepmom wont let me have any and it smells so gooooood aaaaah

i dunno she thinks im to young. and oh nOoO what’s going on with your arm?

ohshoot that sounds agonizing- and yeah I’ve been drinking coffee since I was four :) very proud. i just downed a grape slushie and my stomach hurts. america is so weird

I’ve been watching buzzfeed unsolved all day and I love it

^duDE WHAT HAPPENED NO- please come back no please- did something happen!? are you ok!!?

Ohh, hun... it’s not you. No, not at all. I... Well, Ar uh... she khs. And I didn’t want to be linked to it at all sooo... I went on private for a little bit. And uh... I’m just not doing too well mentally. I’m tired. And sad. And I just... I want to stop existing.

Please don’t blame yourself for my stupidity

I’ve picked at a scab but haven’t harmed, despite wanting to.

as far as I know, yes. she had been waiting to figure out how to do it. then she disappeared. so yeah... i guess she finally decided. if we’re being honest, I don’t feel bad. i just can’t feel anything at the moment. all i know is that i want to stab myself. I’m trying not to but when you know the location of the biggest knife in the house, it’s tempting. really tempting.

you’re not useless. you’re amazing. and some memes would help. I’m going to watch some more buzzfeed unsolved and maybe play w my gecko. she hadn’t eaten in months and yesterday I finally got her to! ofc I had to hand feed her and almost got bit but she’s doing so good now!

aaaaaAAAA I really want a coke but nOoooOoO because all we have is DOCTOR PEPPER AND I DONT LIKE DP

and ye she’s a leo

nOOope because I live in a sketchy neighborhood with a lot of people that could quite possibly be serial killers. There’s a gas station really close by but my family is paranoid

i mean i can beg my dad I’m sure

aaaaaaH I’m gonna go sneak into the garage and find something to c o n s u m e

y e s I’m not the only one with a twisted sense of humor ahahahah

heck I had to settle with doctor peepee but yknow it’s not THAAAAt bad

nAh it doesn’t. I just love fizzy drinks because I was raised with crazy old coke/fanta addicted mexicans

^NOT the drug

oh dude my teeth are soooo bad and I’m supposed to get them whitened but i rlly don’t wanna

ahah have fun with that, but 🅱️lez don’t be sad fren, if you need anything I’m here!

hHAHAHSJSKSK I CANT BREATHE

AAAAH I DUnNOOO I JUST GOT ALL SAD OUTTA NOWHWRE andD aaaaa- I went to go draw and I had an anxiety attack instead then shoved my arm down the trash to get rid of every note my ex gave me ajsksks and I just wannaaaaa cryyyyyy and I feel baaaad for literally no reason ajsjsksk,,,

tHank you- I’m probably gonna wait to draw tomorrow qwq aaaaaaaa I really just want food

oh I’m not allowed to eat for the next two hours. my stepmom hates me and only lets me eat during meals which are a good four or so hours apart TwT

oh no they’re shī tty trust me

ohh i doooo... aaaH

aww, alright. Byeeee! I’ll talk later! ilysm fren!!!!

heyy uh I just want to check that you’re okay... is there anything you need?

I’m good! I went to a Harry Potter escape room and am spending the night with a friend uwu I watched some Bu:S with her and she seemed to like it

aCk I’m watching IT (2017) and I’m spOOked a lil tbh

I’m watching vines during the scary parts and have a friend here to warn me so I should be okay ^_^ thank you for your concern tho it means a lot! ily fren!!!

FČK FČK FČK FČK NOOOO SHE FORGOT ABOUT A CERTAIN PART AND IM I’M PANICKED BECAUSE AAAAA THE FRICKIN CLOWN RAN UP TO THE SCREEN WITH HIS BLOODY Ā ŠS TEETH AND AAAAA SP ŌŌKIN

wHOOPIE DOO IHHSJSJS THERE WERE VOICES COMIN OUTTA THE DRAIN SIMILAR TO THE ONES I HEAR AND IM LOWKEY FLIPPING BUUUT I SCREAMED VINES INSTEAD SOOO

I’ve been watching Buzzfeed edits to make me laugh and it’s helping so much, now all I can think of is Ryan getting scared on a haunted ship then fREAking out when Shane fārts and thinking it’s a ghost xD

update: we just watched buzzfeed episodes when the movie ended and discussed different kind of hauntings, spirits. etc.

aaaH yeah it’s great! I’m staying another night bc she invited me and I think we’re gonna get Burger King soon

I just ran across the street and devoured some chicken fries

I’m tired and hēlla sad

I dunno I’ve just had a constant sadness for the past few hours :’)

ack, some memes would help- uHh I’ve just felt really disconnected from reality

I just got home and daAAAng does it feel great

I guess. Just tired and I want my dad to come back home from work so we can watch ancient aliens together

I wanna go screAm

yEah I’m good! i was gonna summon a demon but my friend started flipping out

i dunno, bored. please don’t hurt yourself...

I’m so sorry. Please stay strong for me. You’re so amazing and wonderful. Everyone messes up. It’s okay. I know the urges are bad and I know you feel worthless but you’re not. I love you, stay safe.

oh mannn, I hope they find it. good luck.

I’m sorry... I’m trying my best to stop. I didn’t mean to scare you. I love you Skye, and I’m sorry you have do deal with my bs

Is there anything you need to talk about?

aaH I’m glad you found it! I hope the stress goes away. I’m good atm but worried bc most of my hallucinations happen when I’m alone and I can’t call my friend... I mean I could try and call someone else but I dunno. Just worried something will happen

I’ve been watching vines. My dad just brought me eggrolls :00

oh boy creeping feeling of dread uwu

oH they’re great! I don’t even like eggs very much-

I really wanna keep talking to you if that’s okay because uSjsks you’re one of my favorite people in existence

that’s good. and normally I try to talk when I first wake up bc it’s about hmm one o clock or so in your time zone? and I’m not a stalker, a while back you gave me the time zone so i could conveniently talk to you :P

it’s only 1:51 here oof

pm, but am would be nice. I like staying up when I’m at my moms because she lets me do whatever so I can sit and draw and b h a p p y. at my dads (where I am now) staying up is sometimes a nightmare because things move around a lot and I’m 99% sure this house is haunted

some guy named “big al” died here qwq

wOW I CANT BREATHE

OH MY GOD

nO???

sHE JUST CALLED HERSELF UGLY

IM FINNA FITE HER

AND U BC UR RLLY CUTE FROM WHAT IVE SEEN AND DESERVE ALL THE LOVE AND YOU SHOULD B CONFIDENT IN YOSELF

nOt false information tHats mY oPiniOn-

woah opinion is two letters away from onion

tHats mY oniOn

n O opinioNs are F A L S E AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANNA AAAAA

ILL STEAL UR ONIONS

oOOo I like the tv character idea

aNd tHEYRE MY ONIONS NOWWW

ONLY IF YOU LET ME THINK YOURE CUTE

dYsphoria hit me in the gUt like a jAckhammer-

if you wanna, i just feel rlly bad abt myself ahah

aaaAaa thank you- I just hate seeing all these cute guys and I’m just-

let me find an example hold on

ajajskskskkkk I just hAte how round my face is and how short I am and how small my hands are and how cUrvy I am LIKE GEEZ UNIVERSE YOU SCREWED UP IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE

I’m not allowed to cut my hair shorter TwT and I’ve tried changing my wardrobe or getting shoes that make me taller and literally nothing works and I just look like a dÿ ke, not a guy...

sPecial qualities hAh, like mE being abNormally shOrt and hideous

faCe th e mUsic and uNderstAnd bY American stAndaRds i’M noThing. iM litEraLLy jUst a “L S b i A n” a N d thatS it. nO oNe boThers seEinG anyThing eLse.

thank you, and okay..

sCream

I want to punch a wall

Please don’t worry about me. I’m not going to hurt myself. I care about you too much. i’ll try to talk tmrw bt I got a party to go to so idk... ily, night

uhhh soooo

Two days in a row I was exposed to cigarette smoke for about an hour. I enjoyed the smell and tried to breathe in as much as possible. Lately I’ve noticed that I’m craving the smoke again and like... can you get addicted from passive smoking???

yEah I’m not going to bc it’s bad. also I’m omw to the party and pretty scurred

aaaa it’s just that this bathing suit highlights ALL my curves TwT

ack man I’m sorry

so I’m chillin in her house and her dog won’t quit licking me aaaa

aksjaksjaksksk I’m so awkward

bRUH

MY CRUSH WAS THERE AND WE WERE IN A FIELD ON THE GOLF CART AND SHE KISSED ME

AND SHE’S TOUCHED MY Ā ŚS LIKE TWICE

IM SCREAMING

SHE KISSED ME ON THE LIPS AND THEY TASTED LIKE GREEN APPLE HELP ME OMG

I’m feeling 10x better after sleeping. I’m gonna go home and draw. and ye she does :0

bRUV WDYM I DONT WANNA SEEM LIKE A SŁ ŪT

I dUnno, I mean wouldn’t it...? Also sorry I took so long to reply there was a cat sitting on my face. This is the second time in my life I’ve ever touched a cat and I love them sm now

I’m doing vent art and I’m too lazy to properly do it so I’m just scribbling- ALSO I found a safe substitute for smoking... grill smoke. works wonders. I’m gonna try candles soon.

oh shoot, sounds fun. my mom did that.

uh and I’m venting bc I’m disassociating and I feel pretty numb. I can’t wait to go home

Not that I can think of. If we could just talk that’d be great. So um... I just started and it’s never been this late before so I think it was preying, waiting for the right time to strike. My dysphoria is skyrocketing and it’s taking all my energy not to curl up and scream. My legs won’t stop shaking aaa...

ummm idk. anything you wanna talk about? I’m going home in an hour and I’m happy

scReech. uHsjjsk we could talk about aliens...? or um... something...? I don’t know aaaa- I’ve been obsessed with cryptozoology lately

Uh so I’ve been reading a lot of alien theories and so far my favorite one is about the pyramids. There are hieroglyphs that depict modern technology and many, many that depict aliens helping them. They believed it was their gods coming to help.

I mean, it would be cool if they exist because they’ve helped us in the past. Altho I think we’d be “that planet” that everyone hates, yknow?

told mi dad about what happened and now I’m going home! he was super supportive and I’m just rlly happy

yEah I’m just having killer cramps. I took some meds. I’m gonna shower real quick. I’ll talk to ya when I’m out. Should be maybe 10 mins or so.

took a bit longer bc I had to dry my hair and AAAA SO MY CRUSH’S SISTERS THOUGHT I WAS A GUY AND IM SCREAMING IM SO HAPPY

ILYYYYY FAM

hKkJkKkkJk THANK YOU

I’m tryna find smth to draw bc I need to release my emotions but I feel happy?? So I can’t release sadness??

oYES PLS

yE THANK U

o thanks I have no idea what I’m doing

my legs hurt uwu idk why and I’m so excited for tomorrow because I’m gonna be home aloooone and my crush gave me one of her hoodies and I get to weear it aaaa

aaaa sorry I took so long to respond, I had a lotta chores

also um we’re dating now and tbh I’m nervous

I’m rEally scared rn

She texted me in the middle of the night absolutely terrified and now she won’t respond

I’ve called her too

what if something happened

she finally responded but I just hung up because I felt bad. I sent 35 messages and called 7 times

i saw something

it’s bad this time

she’s in the house and in my head now and she won’t go awau

i dont know

all i know is she wants me dead

i feel like shes strangling me i can feel her fūckng nails digging into my throat

i think I’m okay I don’t know

i drew her and tried to post it but I don’t think it’s working

she’s telling me hurt something and I almost strangled the dog

has... has the drawing showed up yet?

Hey are you okayYyYy??

You need sum attention? I’m feelin much better now uwu

I don’t believe you

you sure?

Uhh good ig. I’ve had two anxiety attacks in the past hour, I’m disassociating, my sister won’t quit calling me stupid, and the voices won’t shut up

I feel useless. Pointless. Ugly. Clingy. Annoying. I just think I’d be better off if I didn’t exist.

sorry aaaa,,, I love you. I’m sorry I’m so sad all the tiiime..

I’ma miss you man. stay safe

i dont want to be alive right now and she’s back and I can’t breathe

yEow I was in a bad state of mind yesterday

yO sorry for the late reply, I’m doing much better

eee sorry I’m taking so long to reply

thank youuu

bRUV I WANNA DIE

IM JUST UGH I LOVE V SM LIKE OH MY GOD AND IM FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I LOST HER TRUST AND AAAAA SHES JUST SO DĀ MN NICE TO ME AND I LITERALLY REGRET LEAVING HER EVERY DAY AND AAAAA I JUST MMMMMM AAAAAA I HATE MY BRAIN BC ITS CONFLICTED BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE

nJkskskjsksjs im sorry for bringing this up and dumping it on you iM jUST LOWKEY STRESSED AND MY MENTAL HEALTH IS WACK

OH SKYE THANK GOD

riiiight ye umsmsksk so I gtg to bed bc im w frens and they won’t let me stay up

gmorning zxxz morning???? yeah

ten am here aksjsj

hm nah I’m good. I just wish I could stop disassociating. I can’t find any articles online on how to stop... there aren’t any meds or cures either. It’s a side affect of ptsd.

aeejeshje I try

nOT USELESS

sjakks yeah I’m good man. just venting bc I need to get it outta my system