BE RUTHLESS, DO UR WORST, I WILL CRY BUT PLZ

bru this is so good ahhsjsksk the only criticism i have is that maybe be a little more descriptive with settings

other than that this is amazing and i dONT WANT YOU TO CRY CUZ I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE THIS AND I WANT YOU TO KEEP WRITING IT

^^^ i agree with emi and also this might have just been because it got cut off or something but the end of the third line second paragraph should be “too” (sorry im just an official member of the grammar police !!1!!1!!12!)

describe the surroundings! like when you say that edmund snuck out to see the man he loved, tell me where they met up and what the atmosphere was like. imagery is a term that means using the five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) to describe the setting

like did they meet up in an alleyway? were the streets cobbled? were there lampposts? what were the stars like? were they near a body of water, like the sea? did the air taste salty? was there a bakery close by and you could still smell the fresh baked bread? idk stuff like that lol

i hope that helped hehehehejjsjs

my creative writing teacher also called it “expanding” where you take a small moment like that and just keep building it and describing it so it feels like you’re there with the characters yknow

mm yeah that makes sense lol i wasn’t sure if it was like a first chapter or smthg

this is super interesting and I want??? to read more

I narrate stuff in my head sometimes I guess as a natural exercise but that’s really good advice^^^ emi. I’ll a lot of time let a moment writ ritself, like I’ll loosely have a script but I’ll start with an idea and often it turns out better if I focus on describing a lot of details or thought processes that I have in the moment of writing it. that’s random advice for future writing but if you have more you should post it!!

I’m scared to put the names of my fanfics on pc because I kinda don’t want people to read it lol it makes me nervous. so I really applaud you for posting this and asking for criticism from people!! once I finish I’ll probably tell everyone the story name lm ao