yay!! good job! eat up that food!!! 😜😉

yay!!!

yay good for u

Yay✨😘❤️

gonna rant now because I know no one will find this and I... I think I need to💜

it's just— lord I'm so useless

I hate myself

I'm worthless

I'm nothing

everyone will leave me and forget me

no one I care about cares as much about me

I'm JUST A GIRL EVERYONE USES AND I'M SO SICK OF IT

but what can I do?

friends? what friends... I haven't had a best friend in so long..

I'm 'pretty'. sure, when I'm miles away and you can only see a blurry line

😭why am I like this?

I hate myself

and I can't tell anyone how I feel because I'm supposed to be the one helping people. not the girl people look at with pity in their eyes

and one of my closest friends is so talented

she's so awesome, happy, talented,

she's so perfect

honestly I love her so much

but I'm always compared to her

everyone knows I'm not as good as her

she has all these accomplishments and she deserves all the praise she gets and I'm so proud of her

but when I think about her accomplishments compared to mine, that's truly when I feel like nothing

and that just makes me really sad

do I even mean anything to anyone?

and if I let anyone know how I feel about that I'm gonna seem like a bad friend and an attention seeker but it's not like that😭😭

I'm so proud of her, I'm so happy for her. even if I feel like **** who am I to take her praise and happiness away?

I'm sorry I ranted here and spammed you

I'm sorry for the way I am.

I'm sorry.

^ it’s like months later and I still feel like this fūçk

^ also still feel like this aha

would anyone care if I left?

like I don’t announce it... who would care? how long would it take? would it even matter? do I even matter?

of course people would say “yes” but if I ever leave... who would really notice? who would really care?

most of my relationships are one-sided.... no one cares about me as much as I care about them

I don’t matter

no one cares about me

what’s it like to be liked? to not have to worry if you’re annoying someone?

what’s it like to be like ‘popular’?

I’m a sad girl ;-;

I’m a jealous girl who’s stuck in daydreams and fantasies and I don’t have a bright future... fun...

but I don’t wanna stay like this... forever...

FUUUUUUUUUCK

Forgive me for being self-deprecating and seeming overdramatic but every time I’m compared to someone I want to end my life🙃Like, I understand, I can’t be enough, people don’t have to give me all the reasons why. I may not be the best, but I dang try my best. But this is probably just me. ‘Cause I’m lonely and ‘bleh’. I daydream too much, I don’t do enough. I’m a constant third wheel to my friends, and even though I act like I’m okay with it ‘cause I’m used to it, it still bothers me like I’m envious of people with best friends like I can barely remember what that’s like. I could go on but I shouldn’t so yeah... apologies from my corner of angst.

-that moment when you have to stop leaning on others when they don’t care about you anymore-

today I almost broke down crying in the bathroom while I was brushing my hair because I had a small realization like “oh yeah, no one cares about me...” FUN

do I matter?

btw, I won’t burden you with so much of my.... unfortunate sadness because I have another account that I’ll just pour all this mess onto

so today my dad asked me what I want to be when I grow up since I’m a sophomore and I ‘should’ know by now, but I barely have any clue. and I was kinda snappy with my reply like “I know it’s important but I really just don’t know” or something and my dad was like “well it should be in the medical field, that’s what’s gonna help you the most” like of course I know that but I know like nothing of medicine at all why do they want to send me into the fire? I almost broke down crying because I’m so stressed about my future and like I don’t even think I will make it to my senior year; I’m pretty sure I’ll just end my life before then, or do something stupid like run away or something😓

hi I’m Nat and I wish I mattered more

hi I’m Nat and I’m not okay

what’s more selfish? me wanting someone to find this and comfort me, or no one ever finding this so I won’t have to be a burden?

you know that one tumblr post that’s like “‘the sun and stars and the earth will still rotate if I die so why not?’” and then the person responses like “I hate this so much” and then they go into a hue rant about people who care about you and stuff. well I really dislike that post, maybe even hate it. because I can not relate to it

no I’m not in a relationship, no my school would not announce my death, I’m not sure if my friends would cry, I don’t even have a best friend. like it really just makes me feel worse than it means to and that sucks

hi, I’m Nat and I distance myself from some people because I know they can do better than me. even though I care about them