I understand what you mean. I think I know what you might need. What you need is to feel cathartic (to express emotion) as a way to keep them from getting out of control. Some people look for cathartic relief through negative things, like drugs, alcohol, bullying, ect. Maybe try doing things you're passionate about, things you love. Drawing, listening to/making music, animals, running, finding love, anything that fills you with joy or helps you express emotions.

I've been through this before. tbh, I'm slipping back in. I'm trying to keep myself out. I draw, I listen to music. I do what I need to keep myself alive one more minute. remember, whatever you do, stay alive and get professional help if you need it. ❤️❤️❤️.

thanks❤️