all the fxcking time

Sometimes I forget you're just like me. You really should tell me when you feel like that. You help me all the time.

I don't want to make ur life worse by worrying you about me

I've certainly done it to you. I want to Ivory. It's not a true friendship unless I know what's going on with you as well.

okay. I will. I promise I will

❤️❤️

So what about right now? How are you?

I'm good actually

I don't feel like cutting. almost three weeks clean ☺️

wbu

Good. I'm glad. Except for the whole nightmares thing?

yeah. but I'm good other than that

*nods* good good.

OH MY GOD GOOD JOB IVORY THREE WEEKS IS GOOD

Thanks Chris ❤️

❤️❤️

❤️❤️❤️

I'm proud of you *hugs*

what about you? how long have you been clean?

uh.....

five.....minutes?

Chris

why?

I dunno...

Chris you don't need to cut. you don't deserve it

I'm trying so hard to stop

*looks away distractedly*

Chris. I wish I could help you stop. I just..I just need to ask someone to help me first......

Keep going then! you're doing really well!

You don't need to help me. I'll be alright.

but I need to ask a specific person how he stopped otherwise I can't stop..

....Ashton?

..maybe..

You can do this.

not without him Chris. I need to know how he did it. I know how much he hated himself. it was so horrible how much he did. I need to ask him how

I know how you feel.

I need to somehow ask him. but idk how.

*nods slowly*

I'll never meet them..and I know how sensitive he is. I could never talk to him without being a complete dumb a**

I just don't know what to do

Story of my life. I can't talk to people without sounding like a total retard 😂😂. I'll find a way. You said yesterday I'm the Dean to your Sam. You haven't gotten this far, but Dean always finds a way to save his little brother no matter how hard it is.

Chris I'm afraid that in four years they won't be a band anymore. and that Dean and Sam won't be in spn anymore..

I'm afraid too. but we will listen to their albums and watch spn on netflix. They'll always be with us no matter what.

if they break the band I could never listen to another one of their songs. but don't worry about me. I will go to one of their concerts if it's the death of me.

and you'll meet misha, Jensen and Jared

So will you 😊

where did you GOOO

srry I had to wait til my dad went to bed

S'ok

I'm sorry Chris

For what?

idk. I'm just a fxck up.

Love, look at me. You're no worse than I am. You don't have to apologize because you're absolutely perfect to me and I love you.

thanks Chris. same to you. ur perfect to me and ilym

:(

:)

I'm so tired but I'm scared to sleep again

Same

Did you have nightmares last night?

it's like: 😊😴➡️💭😫

yeah

me too

what was urs? if u wanna tell me. u don't have to tho

I'd rather not try to remember.

k I understand

Yours? You don't have to tell me obviously.

tbh I can't remember. all I remember is screaming. in my dream obviously

Oh. I woke up screaming. No one cared.

no one cared?!

Nah.

Don't matter.

actually it is better they don't care bc that would be hard to explain

Yup

I can't SLEEP. ugh WHY DOESNT MY DAD TRUST ME HOME ALONE?!

my dad forces me to go EVERYWHERE.

What does that have to do with you sleeping?

That sucks. I'm almost never allowed home alone either. Only when I have to b

idk.

😂 this is why I think I'm stupid

.....dam it

anyway. I was just thinking I NEED sleep bc my dad is forcing me to go to the pool again and I don't wanna go. and if I'm gonna swim I need sleep or I'm gonna be a huge bi**h tmrw

dam it what?

Yeah I'm going to cedar point tomorrow.

dam it. so both of us won't be on😫😫😫😫😫

ugh fxck life.

.....just thinking about how you're going to be going to school and what if we can't talk and we don't leave in four years and you get new friends or a boyfriend and forget about me. or what if I get a boyfriend like the prophet predicted and don't go on the trip. or what if everything gets better for you and you don't need me.

OR WHAT IF I DIE.

1. I hate people. 2. I'm not going to make new friends. 3. I have a boyfriend. is that stopping me from talking to you? 4. if you get a boyfriend so what? take him with us. 5. I will always need you no matter what.

BECAUSE THAT IS A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY.

u won't die Chris good god

OR WHAT IF YOU START DATING ASHTON FXCKING IRWIN AND DECIDE TO HATE ME

that made me laugh actually but that isn't the point.

I HATE MY STUPID ANXIETY

I WONT HATE YOU. And Chris he's 21. I'm 12.

ok so that was stupid😂😂

I will never date any of them. they deserve better than me plus I'm way younger than them.

I want ash but I'll never get him

First one is totally false. Second one is true.

I HAVE A CRUSH ON A FXCKING FORTY ONE YEAR OLD😂😂

wait what do u mean?

I UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF WANTING BUT NOT GETTING 😂😂😂😭

Misha Collins

Misha Collins is forty one.

no I mean what do you mean first one is totally false second is true?

OH

and XD Chris I inow

know*

First one is the other way around. They don't deserve you.

Second one is probably true. They may be a bit older than you.

very funny. what did you mean second is true?

oh

But that isn't going to stop you

well not just a bit. Mikey is 19. Cal is 19. Luke is 18. Ash is 21😭

in the words of my sister:

GETTUM GIRL GETTUM GIRL

and they will never notice me. trust me

Jared, Jensen, and Misha will never notice me either.

yeah they will

you know how they'll notice u😂

Um no.

you'll be screaming their names until they ran over to you then you'll grab Jensen and make out😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why would they? Why should they? They're amazing and successful and perfect and totally everything. And I'm.... well you know what I am.

😂😩Although that would be fun I promised myself I would never be that kind of fan.

aw man I thought that would make u laugh

It did ☺️ Don't worry. 😊😊

XD

WELL I AM THAT KINDA FAN SO GET USED TO IT XD

Hey before you fall asleep can you go like my s*** because almost none of my followers like my collages.

😂😂

XD I did!

and trust me girl I'm not tired anymore

Yay thank you!

lol yw

😭😭😭

what?!?

don't

My phone is almost dead

fxck

I can't stop talking to you!! I'm going to fall asleep and that's not good. *shakes head rapidly* nononono

I can't fall asleep! I don't want to stop talking! Morning is to far away!!!!

😭

fxckfxckfxckfxckfxck

NONONONO

Now I'm actually crying and maybe panicking.....

no no. definitely panicking.

me too

I DONT WANT TO GO

I can't go to sleep!!!

Me either!!!

I DONT WANNA GO EITHER

FXCKING NO.

is it dead?!

....8%

NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😣😣😣😖😖😖😖😖😖😭😭😭

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I CANT BREATHE. I CANT LEAVE. NOT NOW.

let's just say goodnight now

bc if we don't we might not be able to

I don't want to say goodnight....

me neither but if we don't we might not be able to

I love you a lot! Don't do anything stupid! I'll try to talk to you tomorrow night, but if I can't I'm sorry. Night Ivory! I hope you don't have nightmares. Sam is still with you though.

There😭

I love you a lot too! I won't as long as you don't! and same idk if I can❤️ love you to death and Dean and cas r with you. ily Chris ❤️❤️😘😘