i know i’m the only person who still talks about tøp on here and i know absolutely no one besides like two people will even acknowledge this, ( :( ) but i haven’t listened to them in a while so i pressed shuffle a few mins ago and this is the most refreshing feeling i’ve felt in a while. i haven’t acknowledged myself how much this music means to me and i’m so disappointed in myself. i don’t really know what i’m trying to say exactly. sorry for being so annoying about all of this the past year ig.

the first song to come on when i hit shuffle was car radio and as i sat there listening it kinda flew past my head bc the whole time i sat there thinking about how i actually saw that song live. i have heard Tyler’s voice in person. I have seen how passionate josh is in person. I have seen how much their music means to 21,000 people in the same room together. that’s pretty rad if i do say so myself.

idk man

i’m in a very weird mood

i remember when i would spend hours watching as many videos as i could before i had to go to bed and then got mad at myself for never having dreams about them?? i’ve only dreamt about being at a tøp concert twice which was before i actually went to a tøp concert. Tyler gave me his beanie in one of them.

but just because i don’t watch everything they’ve done i still keep up w their socials and i am still just as big of a fan

AGH i can’t say what i wanna day

*say

i’m sorry it’s one in the morning

im kind of going insane and for some reason i have the strong urge to cry

like this music is so familiar to me yet so unfamiliar bc it’s been forever since i’ve listened. fake you out, one of my absolute favorites just came on. i remember watching a livestream of the first TDC in the basement when they opened w this and i sobbed in my living room and ate macaroni

i also remember listening to fake you out for the first time. i think it’s the only tøp song i remember listening to for the first time. i had been listening to them for a few days and we were on our way home from church and we were at a red light and i heard “you say I’m not alone, but I am petrified. you say that you are close, is close the closest star? you just feel twice as far” and being blown away

it’s over for me taxi cab is on

the first song i learned and stuck to on piano. of course i only know that *one part* whoops. i used to know the rest. i get what pianists mean by having muscle memory. that’s the one thing on piano i can set my fingers and play without looking.

some of you may know that i am a religious person, but my faith has been super rocky and i have a horrible relationship w god. addict w a pen used to be my fav from self titled and then it switched to taxi cab once I saw it live but they basically talk about the same things almost

I’m so sorry

dude are you okay??

I don’t know you but are you alright fren? (sorry if this is weird I just can relate)

I forgot I had self titled on my phone for a while and I totally forgot about it and yesterday addict with a pen came on during shuffle. I fell in love all over again

i honestly think this all the time,, I remember things especially music that literally saved my life and I loved and listened to all the time and now when I hear it I feel sad,, like it’s sounds unfamiliar but familiar that I know it like the back of my hand like u said and I feel so disappointed and weird bc my life is pasting by so fast and ughhhhh I can write a whole book lol

❤️❤️❤️🥰

I get the feeling you’re describing. I tried to branch out with music while they were on hiatus just so I wouldn’t get too bored with anything and listening to it all again now makes me feel a lot of emotions I haven’t in a while. Same with a Fake You Out 😭 I’ll just start tearing up listening to older songs rn. I don’t even remember which one I learned on piano first, I think I might’ve tried to with AWAP but then did Oh Miss Believer¿. I feel horrible that I still haven’t gotten my tøp tattoo that I want and I feel like I’m cheating on them with Cage The Elephant or Marina 😂😭😭😭 but my tattoo is eventually going to be something like a group of trees in a forest that in their shape spell out “hello” as a nod to Trees because that’s my favorite song of all time. I have no idea how to design that myself tho I’m going to have to get a tattoo artist to really help me. I remember listening to Friend, Please late at night just staring up at the ceiling and thinking it was one of the most beautiful songs I’d heard; it was the first one of theirs I really got into even tho I heard Kitchen Sink and ACATAD first when divergentsuperwholock13 on here recommended it to me (idk if you ever followed her, she hasn’t been active in a few years :( ). The HOTY video got me over my fear of skeletons and over time they got me over my irrationally big fear of mortality. I don’t even know how to explain what I believe anymore because I’ve been so ill for so long that they’ve been my only connection to God as well, since around ninth grade I’ve had faith struggles and I can barely think about God or Jesus anymore without having an existential crisis because in my heart I believe they’re real but I don’t believe that the afterlife is real and I’m afraid even if it is that I’ll go to hèłł because I don’t even know if I’m capable of faith. Tristin is agnostic but he believes that God and an afterlife are real, he’s just never really been educated on Christianity and I haven’t been able to do that for him because of my mental stability. He believes he’ll see everyone he’s lost again and I just don’t. I know all the stories from the Bible and I treasure them but I can’t bring myself to read it or think too heavily about dying and anything past that. It’s probably why Trees is my favorite song, because at that time Tyler was really asking for God to just show up and let him know he wasn’t crazy but he knew he’d never get an answer and never find that relief. Some people don’t get how hard it is to have faith when you’re mentally ill, my friends definitely didn’t and I don’t have the heart to explain how I feel to my parents because they would think the solution is church and I’m so socially anxious I don’t want to go to church alone but I also live on my own so I don’t go right now. I was thinking about going with my nana and Papaw tomorrow bc I saw them last night and I’d taken my sleep meds which make my anxiety super suppressed and I wanted to do that and it felt good. I don’t know if they’ll even go tomorrow because there might be tornadoes tonight 😳 but all that courage left, I’m too scared to go and visit them on my own even tho they live 15 mins away so it’s not like I’m against church and my parents know that. but I don’t want to keep having my dad as my preacher, that’s not healthy for anyone not just because you know the worst sides of a person but because you never hear things from a different preacher’s perspective. This is a lot sorry

But did you ever watch that one video with the awesome interviewer who asked Tyler to go through Vessel song by song and explain the meanings? He explained Trees in that and I probably told you this a long time ago but I had the same story of always going out into the woods as a kid and I would sing and talk to God out loud. It was like I could feel him more out there, like I was really searching for him out there, and this was long before tøp or I’d even heard Trees but when I did and I listened to Tyler talk about the story behind it I knew it would always be my most treasured song because it captures that feeling of being so scared and alone and wanting to know God but not being able to have that perfect answer in anywhere but your heart if you find yourself capable. Tyler and Josh really turned that song from a scared and unknown feeling to a feeling of the unknown in a group of people who all loved and supported each other and would help each other through that unknown and provide faith for one another when they couldn’t manage it themselves. I hope they never stop ending with Trees, it seems crazy to think about them not doing it at this point and they probably agree otherwise they would’ve stopped a while ago. I know it was Josh’s favorite at one point and he said he would play songs for everyone else during the entirety of the concert except for Trees as the end, he would play that for himself. It’s really their staple and there’s a good reason. It was one of Tyler’s first songs and it hasn’t stopped being one of the most important

extremely emotional tøp fans unite 😭