I really want to look on the hopeful side, but it's just so hard right now. My paranoia and anxiety is so bad that I've been thinking about talking to my parents to get myself enrolled in mental therapy because my own mind is destroying me from the inside. I have mini panic attack spasms at least twice or three times a day because my mind wanders too far into the idea of death and how I could die or what it would feel like to die or what happens after death or something of that sort, and even though these only last for a few seconds, it trips me the fuçk up. I hate what I'm becoming, I barely trust anyone aside from my mom and a a few people on here (which includes you) because I'm scared that people with talk shït behind my back, because I've seen them do it with other people. God, I just want to be normal, but I can't.

maybe you should ask for therapy, maybe it would help a bit. I highly doubt any medicine works but maybe getting to talk to a professional on your issues may help.. maybe you need to find something to do when you start thinking about death like that. change the subject, immediately turn on a non-death-related show or movie, draw something happy. there are tons of things you can do to distract yourself, surely something would work

Yeah, I'll probably put a bit more thought into it and wait a bit to see what happens and if I can manage to handle it myself. Thank you for the advice, friend. I'm watching The Little Mermaid right now, which is calming me down at the moment. After this ends I'm going to get some rest and just try to wake up with a fresh mood.

that's great! I feel asleep, so I didn't get to respond, but I'm very glad to hear that! I hope you succeed, and if you need any one to talk to or to vent to, I'll be here to listen

I'm feeling way better this morning, I think that sleep and just thinking over how I can improve my self worth helped. Thank you for talking to me, Sarah.

anytime :) I'm glad that you're feeling better! also, I wish I had been on PC for the last few months, I feel bad for leaving without much explanation. I plan to be here way more often, so hopefully I won't disappear again.