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A month without uploading he comes back with a tag (whoo) That no one even tagged him he’s not a challenge to drag (ouch) So prepare for an attack and by that I mean cringe (cringe) Cause this mōtherfūckers bout to be dragged by his fringe First things first you’re freakishly tall it’s weird you look like a noodle (true) You’ve got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just look like a poodle (hobbit) Throw in a really annoying posh voice and yep that’s dan (posh) You’re what would happen if winnie the pooh fūckēd slender man You procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? (ooh) You’re so close to being forgotten, the hate’s imaginary (woah) The only reason you get views is you’re another white guy That people ship with his friend cause they think it’s kawaii Oh Reasons why Dan’s a fail I’ll give you some You never tweet you overeat all you do is cry and sleep You’re jokes are shītpōsts and memes with no originality (uh huh) Your family’s sad your flopped your law degree at university And anything embarrassing that's from your past you just delete You were vegan for like three weeks then what you missed the meat? (milk) Wow i’m so impressed by your clear moral integrity You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic But can’t make toast without tumblr saying you’re problematic (boo) I could go on there’s more if I check There’s more things on this list than chins on your neck On your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death 100? yeah when getting out of bed makes you out of breath (real) So your celebrity crush was J-Law but now it’s Evan P. (mhmm) W tf even is your sexuality It’s hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry (what is it) I think it’s just to hide that you’re secretly a furry *cough* I’m joking Obviously .. Okay that went deep Repress it? yup Before i start crying let’s wrap this šhīt up I’m gonna go and māstūrbāte, then cry into a slice of pizza (feelings) Shout out to the other youtubers especially Ryan Higa A cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation Met with no depreciation it’s the youtube nation (youtube) Click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year (or 3) To see my last one from 10 years ago just click over here (fail) So leave a comment with your reaction you can call me a liar Cause you just witnessed the roast of danisnotonfire
so some people say that money doesn't buy happiness. but it does because with money you can get a device and Internet and then you can watch Dan and Phil while eating ice cream and chocolate
IM ALWAYS A SLÛT FOR CHEESE WHIZ
it was kind of meant to be a joke anyway, I didn't expect you to write that down!
Your tribute you entered the Hunger Games. Go to your sign up sheet if you need to see.
llamas at Hogwarts eating cotton candy, still more realistic than both of Harry's crushes liking him back-TheSiriusBoy
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