Name of song: You’re Too Young, by Lucy Spraggan (it is a bit explicit so headphones are recommended if your parents are funny about that stuff)

10/9/18 The boy who I was kissing etc, I’m trying to break away from him before it gets nasty, but then more happens and I’m not bothered by it at the time, but afterwards I feel awful and I’m getting more and more depressed from it, it’s too much

I know I’ve said I want to date that other boy (who I do keep in touch with) but honestly I think I’m too broken to date, I’m struggling too much mentally

I keep self harming, 3 scars in the space of 2 months, I know people self harm more than me, but I am self harming moe than ever before. I scratch my skin till it bleeds and the latest one has sealed up now, but it got infected and looks really really bad, it’s not just a big scratch, it’s a red inflamed area, all under the skin

I can easily hid it because it’s on my foot, so all I have to do is wear a sock but knowing that it’s still there, my family don’t even know about the first one from March 2017, only one person knows of the newest one

I just can’t cope anymore, I don’t want professional help, I don’t want antidepressants. I don’t even know what I want anymore, I’m just stuck in this endless loop and don’t know what to do anymore

I just needed to vent all this, I’m currently in tears typing this, but I’m glad I’ve told someone (if anyone bothers to read this). I also think I need to meet someone I really trust and just cry into their shoulder until I fall asleep, but I don’t have anyone who I trust enough to do that (except maybe for that boy I really fancy, but he’s dealing with his own issues and we haven’t seen each other in person for months. so I don’t want to bother him)

if anyone’s got any advice, if anyone can be bothered to type something short, I’d really really appreciate it, thanks for listening to whoever read to this point, I love you xxxx

my virtual shoulder is here for you to cry on

also I get the I don't want/need help feeling but (ever since I'm started college) I've discovered the benefit (and even strength) in asking for it and accepting it. people are generally very kind and will listen to you if you ask them, yes you may feel uncomfortable about it or not trust them, but there are more people who are willing to care about you and helping you than you think.

I don't know what advice to give, except take small steps. they may feel like huge, world ending, catastrophic events, but when done, they were nothing to worry about.

feel free to rant, I'm here and I wish my virtual hugs were worth more, but know that I'm here, and I hope that helps

are u feeling better?

**UPDATE ON THE BOY****

Check my newer collage titled “Relationships” and you’ll see an update