Collage by HAZE-L

HAZE-L


4 5
I’m going to comment line by line for this one since it’s short enough that I can. 😊 okay, line 1: love this simile. Interesting enough to grab my attention and universal enough where everything can pick up what you’re putting down. I think adding an adjective before “mother” could help elevate it even more. Line 2: I like the imagery here and the smooth transition from line 1, but I’m slightly thrown off by the word mouth. It doesn’t entirely fit to me. Line 3: LOVE THIS LINE! It’s simple, it transfers the poem to a different feel without being abrupt. I just really love the way it’s sitting in my mind. Line 4: also love the imagery here, it’s unique and really cool. I do think another line could be added between 3 and 4 to further explain to readers what happened to get to that point. Line 5: I’m always a fan of going full circle, connecting the end back to the beginning, love the repeated imagery of the bow and arrow. Line 6: what a cool way to end this, such a cool and heavy line to leave readers with. Makes you think, and that’s always to goal I think. Overall, this is super good, the imagery is spot on and this whole thing just sits well. I think some more “general info” could be added to make it seem like there’s more of a plot here, but other than that, SO GOOD. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you so much for entering! 💕