We use cookies to provide you with a better service and for promotional purposes. By continuing to use this site you consent to our use of cookies as described on our
Terms of Service.
I’m going to comment line by line for this one since it’s short enough that I can. 😊 okay, line 1: love this simile. Interesting enough to grab my attention and universal enough where everything can pick up what you’re putting down. I think adding an adjective before “mother” could help elevate it even more. Line 2: I like the imagery here and the smooth transition from line 1, but I’m slightly thrown off by the word mouth. It doesn’t entirely fit to me. Line 3: LOVE THIS LINE! It’s simple, it transfers the poem to a different feel without being abrupt. I just really love the way it’s sitting in my mind. Line 4: also love the imagery here, it’s unique and really cool. I do think another line could be added between 3 and 4 to further explain to readers what happened to get to that point. Line 5: I’m always a fan of going full circle, connecting the end back to the beginning, love the repeated imagery of the bow and arrow. Line 6: what a cool way to end this, such a cool and heavy line to leave readers with. Makes you think, and that’s always to goal I think. Overall, this is super good, the imagery is spot on and this whole thing just sits well. I think some more “general info” could be added to make it seem like there’s more of a plot here, but other than that, SO GOOD. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you so much for entering! 💕