is Matthew ok now?

not really-matthew

Matthew how are you feeling

like the worlds biggest piece of poop-Matthew

😂 well I am guessing that's not good... have u been cutting?

did u lock your self in your room, Matt?

no. and yes *looks down* -matthew

wait no for what

it's ok Matt... did you get enough sleep

im not cutting and yes im locked in my room. Not really i slept for a bit a couple hours sgo thats it *keeps head down*

*moves your head up to where your looking at me* good job for no cutting😋..but why did u lock yourself in your room

*looks confused*

i coukd tell ashley was looking at me worriedly and it sorta freaked me out. i dont know. *moves head away and looks down again*

oh Matt.. *sits down next to you* just remember that a lot of people love you including me. don't think just cause

Ashley looks at you that way that everyone else does..ok?

*nods slowly*i dont know i just didnt like it. i thought shed get mad bevause i wasnt talking about it

well you don't have to talk about it to her if you don't want to ok?

*nods* okay *hugs you tightly* thank you

*hugs you back tightly* happy to help... so when are you going to come out of your room,Matt?

i dont know. i dont really want to *mummbkes and buries face into your shoulder*

*rubs your head* well you don't have to right now because I think you need some rest.. you look like you need it

i wanna chat with you though. youre one of the few people i actually wanna talk with *keeps head in you shoulder*

*feels special* smiles* ok.. so tell me a little more of what got you in the mess*leans against your head*

i stayed off pc for the weekend because i was visiting with my mom and all h*** broke loose-M

oh but you didn't do anything wrong why are people made at you *looks at you confused*

i dont know * looks down sadky and bites lip*

*feels so bad* u don't have to answer this but were you and Blake a thing or something?

not really but i really liked him and we sort of um.....did stuff *blushes and looks away shyly *

it's ok I get it...you don't have to be shy

yeah but now he wont let me explain to him and is like really mad*looks down sadly* -M

ok I want to talk to Blake about this.. his is being a b**** ...sorry for my language *looks mad*

ummm....o-okay. *bites lip and looks down shyly*

*looks at you* oh sorry I-I didn't mean to offend u😕

no its okay. i dont mind. its just i dont know of he wants to hear it *looks down sadly*

true *looks at you*

yeah......

well I will be right back I am going to get some socks on because my feet at freezing!🌬*walks out of the room*

okay hurry back*looks over at laptop and goes on youtube*

ok back now my feet are toasty🔥 *looks over at you*walks over there* what you doin?

*closes laptop* nothing just looking at youtube music videos

oh ok *goes sit on the floor* what's your favorite song right now?

where the lonely ones roam

oh I love that song* smiles* so u tired because u look tired🤔

my favorite song is panda though

yeah i guess*rubs eyes* i wanna stay up though

oh I'm not making you go to bed.. it's just don't you have school tomorrow?

yeah but i dont really care

haha😂 well what u want to talk about?

i dont know.....you have any ideas

well I have one more question....who is Blake? *looks at you*

hes on a joint account damn-those-teens and an account eith his brither called fxckderek. hes really nice and funny but....*looks downs adky with twars in my eyes*

*looks at you seeing that you are crying* oh sorry I didn't want u to cry.. don't cry. he seems nice

yeah...he is *keeps head down and starts crying quietly *

I don't want you to cry *feels bad* 😔☹️

*hugs you tightly * i just want it to stop hurting

*hugs you back* it's going to hurt for a little bit but it will get better...I promise

*keeps crying * what if it doesnt?

then... I will break up with my boyfriend... just for you *smiles*

no no no no dont.....no....please dont *looks at you worriedly*

if you don't want me to I won't *smiles*

please dont *hugs you tightly*

I won't *hugs back*

*smiles a bit and keeps hugging tightly*

*smiles back* still hugging* so.....

*pulls away slowly* so whatcha wanna talk about now?

I have know idea😋

I just like talking to you

*smiles a bit* i like talking to you too

so....

what do you wanna talk about. i dont realky know

Matt?

im not mad at anyone....well....myself excluded

don't be mad at your self... you didn't do anything wrong ok?🤔

then why does everyone hate me? *looks down sadly*

they don't Matthew.. James, Ashley, Me, and so many other people don't hate you ok?

but it feels like everyine does....i just dint know what to do anymore....now duncans saying he oikes me and blake womt talk to me....i just dont get ir*starts crying again*

don't cry.. instead about thinking of them think about the people that care about you and think you are amazing

but im not amazing! the whole reasons this is happening is bevause im just a little f*** up

listen to me Matthew, when you are saying negative things to yourself it's making you feel worse

but....but...i just..i dont know whats going on! everything hurts and i dont know what to do!? *cries harder*

I don't know what to do either...just ride it out *rubs back*

*trys not to cry*

just know that I am here with u through it all

i cant do this anymore....*runs into the bathroom and locks it *

*runs after u* *knocks on the door* Matt? I know you hurt now.. I know how it feels..my parent are divorced

and most of the time I can take it *tears up* I know what you are going through, and you have to know I would

never want to hurt you. but you can think what ever you want but I'm staying at the door😭😕😔

my oarents were never f****** married! i was an accident and just see them ever now and then! i f****** hate evrything! i just wanna die and everything will stop hurting then! *cries harder and pulls at hair harshly*

NO! Matt, calm down.. I know it hurts but people don't want u to kill yourself.. plz don't..we need u, I need u😭😔

it hurts I no and your not a accident you are a angel..it will hurt for a little but your strong u have to make it through

no! no one needs me! im just a little f***er *gets blade and starts cutting again*

*lays head on the door*

*keeps cutting while crying*

MATT NO STOP, DONT CUT😭😭😭 think of all the people who would hate for u to die

keep the negative out, MATT u are strong😭😔

MATT!!😭😭😫😫

i cant hink of anyone besides you! thats it! no one else! i just wanna die! itll all be over then! *keeps cutting shakily*

NO *starts to cry* think of James, Ashley, me don't think of the negative!!😫😩😔

*drops the blade and starts crying uncontrolably* i cant do this anymore!

Matt *cries* d-don't do t-this.

yes you can come on Matt😔😩

no i cant....i cant.....*slowly unlocks the door*

stay calm*says softly*

yes u can * says calmly*

*hugs you tightly and keeps crying* sorry about the blood

it's ok *crying* you really r strong🙃

let's go wash your cuts *grabs your hand*

*nods slowly and flinches a bit as it stung*

* sits u down* takes a sponge and wash your cuts very gently* u ok now? *still washing your cuts and trys not to

hurt u*

*washes the blood out of the sponge*

*nods slowly* yeah.....thank you....sorry

it's ok Matt, np * looks at the cuts* they are pretty bad , Matt

u might need stitches, then are all over your legs *looks sadly* are they painful?

* washs some more* am I hurting u?

no youre not hurting me.....theyre painful but i dont care it feels better then what my heart and stomach feels loke *looks down*

u might need stitches, Matt.. they are pretty bad* looks at u sadly* they might feel better than your heart

and your stomach but they won't get better lie, your heart and stomach will if u don't take care of them

*shakes head no* i cant go back to the hospital. theyll put me in the padded room again

oh ok well I am not going to make u go..but u do need medicine and a wrap.. is that ok?

*nods yes slowly* yeah thats okay

ok *smiles* I will go get the wrap and med *walks over and gets the wrap and med and water*

*brings it over and gives the glass and med to u* drink up, this will help the pain

*nods again* *takes the medication and drinks the water* thank you

your welcome *starts to wrap your legs* looks at u and smiles*

*smiles and yawns a bit*

u tired * finishes wrapping and puts the wrap up*

yeah. im ginna go to bed soon i think

ok good u need some rest and u need to be careful with your legs

*gets myself some water* drinks* mm so good I was thirsty 😅😄

*nods and walks ober to my bed *

goodnight😊 get some rest.. I will talk to u after school...*walks toward the door* bye💚

bye....thank you so much for everything *curls up with blankets and slolwy starts to fall asleep*

of course🐘 *closes the door*