i’ve been having a lot of ups and downs lately and idk why, like today was such a lazy day (it’s 5:30 and i’m still in my pajamas) but in general i feel like i keep letting myself and everyone else down, it seems that for every good thing there are two more bad things that just come out of nowhere and kick me in the face

i’m listening to incredible music and feeling so hype about that, but this boy i kinda liked but didn’t tell anyone about indirectly broke my heart real bad and i feel so horrible bc i still kinda like him even tho i shouldn’t and ik nothings ever gonna happen, and nothing could ever happen with cute girl from dance either it just wouldn’t work

i’m convinced nobody’s ever gonna like me back in a romantic way, like nobody’s gonna ever want to be in a relationship with me and bc i keep letting everyone down they’re just gonna be disappointed

and all the people i idolize will never know how important they are and how much they are a part of my daily life. my family is annoyed because i don’t take opportunities i should even if i don’t really want to. i hate needing to satisfy people

right now i really want a hug and i’m tired and lonely and i’m sick of wanting other people to help me instead of trying to help myself

my grandparents (who i’m close with) are getting old, they’re in their 80s, and i don’t want to lose them bc idk what life would be without knowing that they’re there, even if they live across the country and we only talk five times a year, and i only see them for a week once a year

i’m too lazy to take a stand on my own because i’m too scared to be alone

i wrote this like five mins ago and in the time since i’ve decided to not keep feeling bad so i put on saturation iii (my fave brockhampton album) and now i’m reeling in familiarity and comfort and ik it’s temporary but i feel a little better

don’t feel that wayyyy okayyy you’re so pretty and cute and i’m sure that there’s someone out there that will love you and if they don’t they’re all idiots because i don’t know why they would want to. you’re amazing and incredible and you don’t deserve to feel that way because nobody does. i wish i could give you a big hug rn but we’re probably thousands of miles away from each other so idk how that would work hahahah

i dont know why they wouldn’t* want to