caption continued: hey I’m not feeling great everything in my life is just so bleh at the moment and I have no motivation and my SAT is in less than a month and I’ve barely studied since summer and I’m not close or the range I need yet and I don’t know what I want to do in college in life and I know a lot of people don’t have everything planned out but I have close to no idea and everyone around me just seems to know and have all this motivation to study and get places but I don’t have any set goals or aspirations that I really care about which I think is why I have no motivation and I’m trying to force myself to do things like I attempted to join the robotics team/club in my school bc my teacher said I should try and I did but it’s mostly student run and all the people who have been there for 2 or 3 years already know what they’re doing and even the people who have been been there for a month seem to know and it got better bc one time this girl was showing us how to do some things and what things are but the thing is after that she just goes back doing whatever she’s doing and I have no idea what to do again and then the next time I went absolutely nothing happened and I got stressed so I left (btw robotics is kinda like a cult club in our school where they’re all so tight-knit and have so much commitment to it ) and the thing is I don’t think I even like robotics that much but I have to TRY and for me just showing up is trying but like everyone’s like you have to try harder and showing up isn’t enough but just standing there awkwardly not doing anything is so hard and so stressful bc everyone knows what to do and I have no idea and no one cares even when I try it just goes back to the same thing the next time I go and I’m just trying to go there and stay but it hasn’t been going too well and I’m just gonna day it I don’t have friends this year I have one close friend and a few people who I’m kinda “friends” with but even with that I don’t have friends who I really connect with too much like idk I can be friends with someone and have so much fun spending time with them but there’s a certain connection that I feel with people when I first meet them or even a little later and that’s more than just surface level and if I don’t feel that I can’t really well... connect, even though I’m friends with them— I’m not fake with friends and I genuinely like spending time with them and I care about them but for it doesn’t make mE feel compLEtely comfortable when I don’t feel that connection with people and bc of that I feel like I’m currently not compLeTely comfortable and close with anyone (irl) and idk I used to have a friend almost a year ago who I felt like I connected with until she slowly started distancing herself and it got awkward and she made new friends and i still pass by her every day in school and it’s like we never knew each other it kinda sucks but what can you do and idk her reasons so I don’t blame her or anything but idk my point is I just feel like I’m in such an awkward place in my life and I don’t really have a place anywhere bc I don’t know what I want to do in life and I don’t have anyone who understands this to talk about it idk I don’t usually make a big deal out of these things but it’s just all hitting me now at the same time and if I maybe I’m just being dramatic I’m on my period and I’m sick

but I’m also on my period and sick so 🤧

sorry if there are grammar or spelling errors i would usually read over it but I’m too tired/lazy to

how is your day/week going? genuinely

^^there are so many 🤦‍♀️

I’m watching quêēr eye in Tokyo and it’s cute but I also just cried and had a small breakdown and got really upset with everyone around me and now my eyes hurt and I feel bad

normal emotions + period + being sick + being tired is not a good combination apparently

I don’t recommend

but you know what y’all make me so happy and even with like the 3 internet friends I have y’all are so supportive and amazing and I love y’all so much 💖

girl I’m bout to come over and take u on a no stress vacation and we can go meet brendon and have a gr8 time 😤

^ dude YES i want to come 🙌🏼

^^ + dude i hope that everything gets better soon!! ♥️♥️♥️