What babe

To break up wit me

ok I srsly love u but he’s even wondering if u still want to b if u still care... like I want to know u do but he’s just expressing to me and I feel terrible for even thinking about wut he keeps saying but I love u it’s just... gooooooood

Babe i do care

just so many ppl r telling me the same thing I can’t stop thinking about it... I’m always quiet cuz I’m always thinking, I’m never rly actually ok anymore like trying to get away but I fxcking cant and I can’t let go either cuz ik for a fact I care way too much I’m just stuck

I’m scared af sorry I shouldn’t have brought it up tonight I tend to fxck everything up... especially when I rly care about something

babe its fine ❤️❤️ were not goin to break up

I can’t rn I’m sorry like I can’t handle myself rn

should’ve shot myself earlier or had more than I probs should have so I can just not think about this rn

Well ok

Babe nope

I wanna die I... gooood no one cares about I anyways I just won’t even say it

Babe i care about u alot ok i love

wut do u mean nope then

I dont want u to kill urself

and this is y I fxcking hate myself right about now

Y babe

I tend to do this to myself every fxcking time I actually care... I tear myself up and lose all common fxcking sense, I latch on then get a grip on reality again then I blow shït up then boom it’s over happens every fxcking god damñ time

Babe its ok it happens ok i love u

nooooo it’s not cuz I bet ur probs done dealing with my shït and don’t even deny ik u r

Babe no i love u and i will help u get throw this

it shouldn’t b anything to ‘get thru’ tbh... just let me kill myself plz I’m not kidding either

it’s not even just this... it’s the fact I’m so pïssed at myself for letting me do this again and I’m don’t crying over stupid shït and being weak it’s dumber than shït

Babe no plz dont ok i love u now

Babe its ok now plz dont hurt yourself plz dont

I just... u don’t understand how much I care for u... if I knew wut was good for me, I would let go, not cuz of u... cuz ik how bad it’s gon hurt in the end but I can’t let go cuz I love u too much... no matter wut I tell myself... I can’t and won’t let go... see I hate myself for this I’m not smart I don’t know when to fxcking stop

Babe who said that were even goin to break up and babe i care about u to and instead of bein wit gabby smokein i should of been wit u

just... should’ve shot myself somehow.. should’ve had more fxcking moon than I did.. god damñ should’ve shot the rifle more to get this depression anger shït out of me before I got home

he wouldn’t let me have a beer either...just to not start anything when I got home which sure enough I did

Babe no it was good that u didnt shoot youreself

And honestly u didnt seem drunk

probs should’ve done it tho... I mean he gave me a knife, gave me a lighter, then got a few guns out, the moon I did have did absolutely nothing to me so I should’ve had more of that so I would’ve had an excuse to do some dumb shït

Babe no it was a good thing u didnt

yea cuz I didn’t have enough plus since we were shooting I wasn’t going to get drunk so I wouldn’t hit anyone or some shït

Ok

it was good... dammït John should’ve got me more he just handed me a mason jar and said ‘take a dip’ my throat was biting for like 5 mins but that was it

goooood daaaaaaamñ

What

Oh babe u should of seeen it

I wanna go back.... actually I wanna go find one of his knives and finish the fxcking series we started then get drunk then pull the knife on mysf and b fxcking done

Babe bad idea

good idea and should’ve seen wut?

Babe no I dont want u to kill urself

Well joe and i sole 2 of jon lucases lighters just so that we can light up lolol

well I want too AND wanna finish that damñ series cuz however that one bxtch was still alive I wanna fxcking know... and seen wut

Joe and i stole 2 of jons lighters just so that we could of smoked

and yea k... I tried to talk John into it but he had none on him and I was mentally depressed

then he got the moon out and I got happy but got depressed when he put it away agai.

Lolol i think we all do that

I think I need a hit... u know a cig probs would do rn

Lol yee ig

cinnamon sticks also get yea high joe and i figured that out

thing is... I gotta do it on a day like today where I spent the whole damñ day at Johns place watching Netflix or wutever we were on

Well ok

god fxck unless joe is gon do wut he said he would

Noce

k nvm sorry

No its fine its just ima probs be wit gabby because u would be wit joe and john

so wth is all this about gabby all the sudden... not tryna b pïssy just wth...

Her and i are frens why

I dunno it just seemed out of no where I’ve been talking about gabby like... well k... I mean if wanna b with u but she fxcking hates me for who knows y and ig her threatening me was nice 😒 but k sorry nvm then

Well if u goin to be around jon all the time ima be wit gabby

John actually makes an effort to hang out with me and he’s one of the only god damñ ppl who actually likes me... he’s always there when I need him... not everyone is don’t try and throw me into that now

like fxck not tryna bash on u or shït but god fxcking damñ

Yea i like it how ur always going to john about things but u would never come to me

u know... he doesn’t ask questions he honestly is probs the easiest person to go to.... and I don’t go to him for everything... I don’t want u worrying about me and even John says I shouldn’t show weakness to ppl I mean... I’m sorry but he’s like my brother we r close... he makes an effort tho he’s the one who keeps asking me to hang out... I asked u if u wanted to, u said no, I left it, and yea here we r no

And if u do wanna hangout u go to john and joe first then me

Ok so ima leave and txt gabby and maybe neven

no I don’t god damñ... okie ima b honest... I honestly usually feel bad when we hang out at like school or something cuz I feel like u don’t wanna b with me, like u wanna run off and just get away... I hate being alone and I want to b with u but st the same time I feel terrible... it feels like u get along with everyone else a lot better, like ur more comfortable around them... that’s y I do usually hang out with John cuz I feel like ur not comfortable around me... like god I love u soooo fxckigg much I can’t express it but ik John is comfortable around me, he asks to hang out with me, he already knows a lot about me so it’s easier to tell him wuts up and we won’t ask questions, he lets me vent, and just accepts it... he just sits there and listens

kk

ok wuts that supposed to mean

Nothin to say

don’t leave babe god stop plz I love u and I hate fighting screw this im done fighting

Good

god I’m sorry... it’s me u can go if u want ik... probs done dealing with my shït I don’t blame u... break up with me if u want honestly hit me with it now so I can just get shït done and over

I deserve to b alone I just pick ppl apart and don’t realize it

Btw babe when i hang wit u at school i think it feels right

Babe no im not goin to break up wit u because i love u to fxcking much and i honestly dont ever wanna loose u

see... I’m afraid af to loose u and if I do I’m probs just gon go thru hełl... by now I would’ve ran away so I don’t have to feel the pain in the future but I don’t want to I just... I do this all to myself

ok... my ex txted the other night, we talked, he said he wanted to see me again, he said he wants to help me cuz I’ve got my life so fxcked at the moment... he told me I could change, back to how I was, when I wasn’t tryna way I am... I want to change cuz I’ve definitely fxcked up majorly... but I’m afraid to talk to him now and I don’t want to talk to him now

figured I would tell I... I haven’t told anyone... he just kept bringing up shït we used to do together and shït and I don’t want to talk to him anymore god I’m sorry... John doesn’t know, no one does

Babe most of the fighting is my falt like when im drunk sorry babe

no... u have ur fun idc about the drinking thing... I tend to blow shït up and start things... god I do need to change like... wow

Babe just talk to him if u want it up to u i mean idc if u do

I hate this version of me... like it’s not even the real me I hate this version

Then change back ig

Fxck

and I can’t talk to him... u would get mad if I explain it to u but I cant... I’m no joke afraid to

I just realized i smelled like smoke lolol

Babe its fine u dont have to if u dont want to

u don’t want me to show u like... me.... I’m only the way I am cuz I moved and have no idea who any of these ppl r at highland... changing back would screw things over

Babe if u want to its fine im there for u

I’m just tempted to run away right about now... from fxcking everything

Why babe

cuz if I run now... I won’t feel as much pain later... we’ll this time I’d end up dead so I could feel any damñ pain in general

god u don’t have to deal with me... just leave if u want I’m a mess rn for no reason whatsoever

Babe dont u dare

And im not goin to leave u because i feel that u need me rn

I need u but at the same time I feel like a burden on u and I feel bad about that... I wanna go on a walk, in the middle of the night, out to the lake, jump off the bridge, and if I don’t drown then maybe the ice will crack my skull of some shït and kill me cuz I’m doooooone with myself rn

Babe no dont jump off and btw ur not a burden

I feel like it... all I am is depressed... the only time I’m happy is when I’m with u anymore... like I wanna just go make out and do shït but at the same time I just wanna hide in my closet cuz yea I can spend all day in there and just bleed cuz no one looks for me anyways

god I feel like a self centered bïtch rn

Babe i would look and maybe by then ill acutaly now ur parents

I’m going to b honest... I’m sorry but I’ll b surprised if I make it to high school, let alone this summer I got to make it thru first

Babe ur not a bi'ych

Thru wht babe

if I get thru the summer... I will b surprised

John wants to teach me how to shoot like pistols and shït, wants me to learn how to wield a knife like he let me mess with a pocket knife and a lighter earlier... I’m probs gon to break and with my luck I’ll have one of the 3

Why babe because ur goin to be wit meh and we might do stuff remeber lolol

Yee nice babe

god yea... just knowing me... and I want to do stuff... finding enough time tho and a place will b interesting

Myy house no ones home + we got beer

yessss

dammït now I wish we were somewhere cuz now I’m thinking.... and I’m done being depressing I hate it

Lolol and whisky so yea lifes good

See like i was telling jon i hangout wit the depressing people but somehow when there depressed and i around like there depreason leaves

Like it was confusing

Im still confused

god yea ig... I haaaaaate being depressing anyways tho... and now doin shït and drinkin sounds good... maybe John should give me a mason jar... that whiskey and beer omll sound good

I’m always confused don’t worry

Yee babe ima go try to sleep night babe i love u

ugh k... love u

Sorry babe see yea tomorrow night

no the ‘ugh’ wasn’t u it was me, realizing wut I did, hating myself even more cuz I’m a dumb aśs... but night

Babe plz dont cut ok night love u lots

noooo promises but k love u

k night ❤️❤️❤️❤️

❤️❤️.... we all know I will I hope u know... all u can do is check tomorrow on the bus honestly

Yee ik ok i like really need to go so i love u and see yea tomorrow love u ❤️❤️❤️❤️

yessss ik I didn’t think u would respond to that by k love u

❤️

ok and hope u won’t see this cuz I’ll probs feel rly weird but u have no idea how much I love u... how much I hold on... I’ve never actually fought with someone like that before and it’s a first but I hope u know that it shows... I’m willing to do just about anything to keep u... I’ll go thru hełl and back for u... ik ppl keep talking me to just tell u to fxck off already... but I’m don’t want too and I’m not going to cuz I love u to death ❤️❤️ this feels weird rn tbh and I should b doin this at like 11:11 instead but it’s not even 10 and I think ima pass out here in a sec... I love u sooo fxcking much babe ❤️❤️❤️