PicCollage

It was the summer of 2001, Joe meets Patrick and he’s like “Yo, I know about about music.” Then Patrick’s like “Yo, I know more about music” “That’s impossible! Do you wanna start a band?” And Patrick’s like, “Yeah, that’s cool.” And then, he’s like, “Yo, this is a book store; it’s not a music store.” And then they met at Patrick’s house. So Patrick’s wearing shorts, and socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fûcking reason, and Pète's there for some reason. And they start playing music together and they’re like “Oh, let’s play some covers from some other bands.” It was like Green Day, and fûckin’ Misfits, and fûckin’ Ramones. Pète said to Joe, “Yo, we gotta change this shît up. Yo, we’ve played all these bands, let’s play some shît from Fall Out Boy.” And so Pète and Patrick are like, “Yo, that’s dôpe, but we need a fûckin’ drummer.” Because Patrick’s playing drums and he’s a singer. Patrick’s like “Yo, I got a soul voice,” and they’re like “wait, how do you have a soul voice?” And he’s like, “Yo, watch this: YeEEEEEEeEEEEEEeeeEeeeeeeeeeeEEEeeeEAAAaaAAAaaAAaaAaaaAaAaAAAaahhh!” And they’re like, “Oh my god, that sounds like soul!” And they made records like Evening Out with Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out with Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. “It’s called Evening Out with Your Ex-girlfriend.” With your ex-girlfriend. It’s called Evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. It’s called Eating Out Your Girlfriend, and it’s real and it doesn’t matter. And Pète talked to Patrick and Joe and he was like “Yo, what the fuuuûuuuck? Yo, this is gonna be fûckin’ doooooooôpe!” So they made a record and it was called Take This to Your Grave. They made it without a drummer, and they had like three-four drummers come in. the four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from like Papa Roach or something, and they’re like “Yo, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fûckin’ record it.” And he did it, and he killed it, and he was like “bigidalililililillla, pshhh!” killîn’ the skins, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin’ the shît, kîlling these bîtches, rapping it out. You’re getting a fûcking tattoo right now? What the fûck is going on? We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, ‘cause these guys know what the fûcking is going on. And they were like “Yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fûckin’ hard, we will sign you guys.” Pète was like “Yo, we got this record that’s fûckin’ doooooooôpe, dude it’s called Take This to Your Grave, it’s called From Under the Cork Tree. It’s gonna be fûcking huge.” And then Patrick’s like, “I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it’s called *BÛRP* Thanks for the Memories, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down. And they made this record that was fûckin’ dôpe, and it fûcking hit on the charts like one, two, three, two, one, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, ten to ONE. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million recods-ten million records-fifteen million records! And Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. And Patrick was like “That’s gooOoOOoooOoOOoOoOOOoOOd” Pète was like, “Yo, fûck you, I can do whatever I want.” Joe was like, “Yeah, it’s cool man, whatever I don’t give a shît.” And then Andy was like “Eh, cool.” And Pète was like, “Make-up is fûckin’ great for a guy because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful, and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure that everyone thinks that guys are beautiful.” I’m good so far. Yeah, I do. SHUT THE FÛCK Oh, fûck, alright alright. Pète was like, “Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed about this dîck pic.” And then I saw the dîck pick and was like “Ah, it’s not bad.” It’s not a bad dîck. Let’s be real. We made Rolling Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. And Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pîssed, they were like, “Yo, fûck you guys!” They’re like, “Yo, Panic! Has the fûcking cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fûck these dudes, we’re gonna fûcking go miles above, we’re gonna hit every fûckin’ continent there is known to man.” But they didn’t because they missed a second of time. Apparently, they were like “Oh, shît, we got every continenet.” And they didn’t actually hit it. Dude, and Pète was like, “ WHAT THE FÛCK? ‘Oh you didn’t fûckin’ make the continent’, it’s like FÛCK YOU!” So From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fûckin’ have three-four years of awesomeness. Like people are coming on themselves cause it’s so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like- So Patrick was like, “Yo, we’re gonna name these records From Under the Cork Tree and From Innity- From Infinity On High” Pète was like, “Yo, Folie á Deux means the theatric of two.” “The madness of two.” Oh, sorry, I’m sorry. Fall Out Boy was like, “Yo, we gotta take a break.” Meaning, Pète was like “Yo, we gotta take a break, bro.” And Patrick’s like, “I need time for my music, UHUhUhUHuHUUUh.” And Joe’s like, “yo, I need time to find the fûckin’ art dude, I gotta find some fûckin’ ime-metal.” And Andy’s like, “I’m just gonna play with some fûckin’ metal bands.” And they’re like, “Alright, this break’s been like three years long, two years long, three years long, three and a half? We gotta fûckin’s come back, man, we gotta come back strong.” You took my away. What the fûck? “No, you poured it all over yourself.” “Yeah, you poured it all over yourself, man, here.” “We gotta make this shît legit, it’s gonna be fûckin’ dôpe, it’s gonna go fûckin’s sky high. We’re gonna make a fûckin’ records that sails the skies. We’re gonna call this record Save Rock and Roll.” So they made Alone Together, Light ‘Em Up, Alone Together, Phoenix. And everyboôdy’s like “What the fûck? You’re working with this guy who fûckin’ recorded Avril Lavigne and Pink.” Is this pu- what the fûck is this on my shirt? Did I pûke on myself? Oh god. Pète was like, “Yo, we’re gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At the Disco and Twenty One Pilots. And that’s all, and that’s all that matters." And that’s just how the fûckin’ story goes.