FBEIFHUCJSJ

😎

hm i’m sorry hadley :/

hm

i’m so sorry hadley. i miss the old william, it’s like i barely even know this one

hm just remember i love you hadley and i’m always here for you

yeah. Im leaving anyway, doesn’t matter

i know thaT. i just dont see the point in keeping an app to talk to one gr9 person

down the pub lol why

wassup

is she at a fûcking gānG baNg

i could. any idea where she is? where she is near? the beach? the town? give me something to go on here

aNyThInG?

excellent detective skills hadley

is she spaced out?

my poor baby

did you know she beat him up earlier?

yeah. knocked a few teeth out. broke his jaw and fractured his skull

haha

yeah i hate him. he deserved it

hadley its 3:20. am i going out looking for her? do i have anything to go on? or. as much as it sounds mean. can i go to bed?

i miss meredith

i feel bad but theres nothing i can do. i feel like i dont deserve sleep. i should be looking for her

do you know where meredith is?

she missed christmas ):

WHO THE FÙCK SOLD MY BABY

bro im going to find her. yay (‘:

my poor meredith doesnt deserve this. i wish i could look after better. wow im shît

fûck mate i love her so much

but im telling you again so you for sure know how much i love her

i dont know where she is. some prîck said shes on west but shes not here so now i have to go all the other side fûcking hêll

a dress? i bet she looks hot

we broke up?

well fûck

fûck sake.

thats my girl

is she okay?

she wants you to be mean. um. just talk about joe, her dad. tell her that he wouldnt like it.

where am i supposed to pick her up from?

tf she doing at the cinema i thought she was at that prîcks house

oh hah okay. she better hurry up im tired ugh

maattee dont say that

im listening to her playlist ugh

hey i’m jared

how you doing, hadley?

i love naps, i’m alright

dogs are adorable, awh my heart

whats his name?

i like it

violet :)

i’m not really a dog person myself

i do not suck, harsh words hadley. :(

you suck

but you actually suck and i don’t

oops i’m sorry. how can i make up for it?

you sure? :(

awh i’m forgiven

wHatS thaT poSed to meaN

i aM

saYs mE

finalLy

noT really

nO of cOuRse nOt

you can’t do thaT

you underestimate mE

hAadDLleEyY

gUeeSs wHaT i mEt a gIrL aNd sHe reMinDs mE of mEredItH i mIsS hEr

whoops. No i did not

idk if you know but meredith had a seizure again last night and there testing her for epilepsy/keeping an eye on her making sure she doesnt have a few too close together in case she slips into another coma.

she is okay, her friend said anyway

no i cant she wont let me

shes coming back to pc tonight

she just told me about this fûcking rodger prîck? but she said ‘i dont want you fûcking with anyone else until i get out’ but oh she has some fûcking boyfriend now?

WHAT THE FÛCK IS SHE DOING WITH THIS CÛNT THEN why cant she just come and be mine already

whilst we’re waiting then. i’m going to go out tonight

okay this is pîssed off jay talking. why the fûck should i consider her feelings when she never. NeVeR considers mine?

you know what he is saying is fûcking true.🙄

okay okay hadley im not pîssed off jay anymore im emotional and lonely jay and in really sad and i want to cut come back im sory what i said earlieR PLEASE

i feel like cutting my wrists wow

fine im gonna go down the pub instead. can i do that?

wHy NoT iTs NeW yEaRs eVe i might find a bîtch🌚🌚

no im not im gonna be sad lonely jay lmaø

i just realised how fûcking lonely i actually am. i miss meredith. i MISS MEREDITH HADLEY

do yoi know whwn shes getting out the hospital

THERE LOOKING AT HER BEING AN INPATIENT FOR AT LEAST TWO FÛCKING MONTHS

do you know how much that sucks

i just found a blade im so fûcking angry right now

is it weird that ive cuddled with merediths teddy that she left here every night since shes been back at the hospital

do you think she loves that rodger cûnt

BRO AM I NOT HER LOBSTER ANYMORE

im laying on my bed listening to her playlist i miss her

am i allowed to cry

what if she calls that rodger dīck her lobster WHY IS SHE LETTING SOMEONE ELSE CALL HER THEIRS FÛCK SAKE

alright thats it elvis came on im crying

she stopped answering me an hour ago tell her to come back i miss her

wait do you think shes okay

i want a side høe

i met this girl the other day

we didnt fùck its okay but you could tell she wanted to lmaø she was so desperate ew

she was ‘how could someone so cute be single’ im UNAVAILABLE BÎTCH NOT SINGLE IM WAITING FOR SOMEONE. do you think merediths fùcked with rodger yet

wait i dont wanna know

you have no idea how much this sucks

i just found a video of her telling a story and now im more sad. her stories are great. the prince always gets the girl

im trying but she isnt answering so you know that creates barriers with me trying to get her back

communication is key

ew i have a load of hoēs messaging me

yeah okay but if i go to the hospital shes gonna freak put and have another fùcking meltdown and theyll escort me off the premises and theyll get security to drug her and its all just chaos

ill go to tesco

a supermarket lol mcdonalds wont even be open at this time i dont think¿

well on tv it says ‘mcdonalds open at 5am every day’ so im guessing they close at like 10pm or something

WAIT

i think they close at 11

i just ran down the road all for a fùcking mcflurry what has my life come to. mcdonalds is so far away ugh

im tired now

wait hadley am i even allowed to see her now? like. at this time? fùck sake

what am i gonna do with this ice cream now

sneak into the psychiatric ward? that place is like a prison tbh every doors locked and got passwords and key cards and cameras. can she just come home now ugh ill look after her at home she doesnt need to be an in patient i miss her

do you think she goes to bed AT her bedtime? do you think she eats everyday without me feeding her wow im such a good person see i can be kind

thats my job hah she never spits it out with me

i love her too. mOrE

i very much am iN love with her

and your my best friend too WOW IM YOUR BEST FRIEND HAHAHA THATS REALLY GREAT

I LOVE YOU TOO HADLEY

thats pathetic

HAHA YOUR GR9 TOOO

YES YOU ARE

DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS GR9

YEAH

SHES THE GR9EST

I MISS HER

WHAT

SHE HASNT ANSWERED MY TEXTTSS

I REALLY MISS HER

TELL HER TO ANSWER ME

PLEASE

I WANT TO GET HIGH

IM SAD

WHAT WHY NOT

I WANT TO TAKE A HIT OF ACID PLEASE

I SAID PLEASE PLEASE

WWWHHHHHHYYYYY

i got her a mcflurry tonight lol i threw it away how sad i ran down the road to waste my money on a mcflurry i just threw away

lol yeah but still that could have contributed to buy more drugs

which im gonna go do now

(please)

thanks

im gross whO caReS iTs sTiLL gOoD

tf is that

okay

im gonna drink this bottle of vodka now

hey look its merediths favourite

smirnoff

how fancy it had gold pieces in it

i miss meredith

IM LONELY I NEED SOMETHING

mother just called ugh

HEAR WHAT MEREDITH JUST SAID

“i love you so much jay. your my lobster. only mine” WAAAAAAYYYYY

you should come to england we’d have a lit party

i think. mother just said that i have to live with father. the voicemail wasnt clear…

TF AM I DOING WRONG HERE I LIVE IN MY OWN HOUSE I PAY MY OWN WAY WHAT THE FÛCK WHY DO I GO HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT USELESS BASTÂRD

i have no idea. im not going. he lives in fùcking newcastle why would i move up there

from here its like six hours idk

happy new year :)

well its new year now here okaY

i dont want to move that far away from meredith. i dont want to move with him. im nOt going anywhere

i know tf whyd she say that i live in my own house its not like i ever get in her way? im so confused

my mother used to love me, once upon a time (‘:

no tbh i dont think she ever did she hated me

yeah parents suck

I WABT TO FUND A BÎTCH TO FÙCK

i wabt ti fùck neredith

no

im not drunk

im missing my girlfreisnd

oh how depressinG she is not my girlfriend

thats made me sad now

i havwnt seen meredith since lsst year oh my

hahaha

she is my girlfeiend

am i crazy to say that

fùcK rodger

but fùck me thanks

i miss meredith im so lonely

i havent fùcked anyone in at least tgree weeks omg

hi im in my bed hugging merediths teddy that she has here

MATR I LIVE HER SO FÙCJUBG MYCH OH MY GOD

i hace tears in my eyed how sad

this randon girls at my doorstep shes shouting JASON!? tf

its merediths friend

mereditgs friend is hoT

i muss emily wow

yeag tge one i kulled🙃

i reallt miss ger

in sad

she always drew pictures iof me and her wnd i she asked me to pyt the best ones in my wallet snd i still have them wbd it majkes me cery sad

meredith reminds ne of emily a klot

meredith is jlike a child aometimes

ahes xute

like emily

emilt wiuld always give me hugs ans ahed make things fir me

ugh

io miss her a. lot rionight

cone back i need yiu

im grieving iver ny dead suster snd in reakkkyvsad and ivwabt to cyt help me

whoops i went out last night lol

i went to see meredith today

shes gr9

i love her so much

she looks so helpless and. fragile there

her necks still covered with bruises. my poor baby ugh

did you know she was pregnant?

she said it was when she was bleeding with her other baby ew thank god i dont remember that🤮

wait what tf

what other dude?

this is meredith were talking about. it honestly wouldnt surprise me if there was. it would pīss me off. but it wouldnt surprise me

so its mine?

alright lets not talk about that anymore its confusing me

HADLEY MY SCARS ARE HEALING

AND THERES ONE GOING DOWN MY ARM AND IT WAS REALLY BAD BUT ITS HEALING ALSO

YAY

i kinda wanna retrace it oops

and this is my reward

i actually get messages from people saying shît like “why do you want to date that fùcked up psycho meredith” and it fûcks me off so much omg

meredith is ahmazing

i love meredith

meredith isnt answering me tell her to come back

11:27

do you think shes gone to sleep at her bed time

ugh i miss her

she had a seizure its okay she isnt asleep

wait its not okay

my poor baby

whoops

well im gonna go drink my life away bye hadley

why not. maybe ill pass out and not wake up wow that sounds amazing right now

i miss emily now ugh

why would she be happy up thEre. omg why couldn’t she stay down here as a poltergeist and haunt me

I REALLY MISS MEREDITG

ive been steadily drubking for about an gour now

xan i get high

xans

what if

meredutg doesbt come out

i dint think theres anytgibg wrong wuth her i dont understand why she has to be tgere?

i miss hee

im so lonely

can i fibd someobe just fur tonigt

i rreeall want ti fúzk slmeone

byt i wavt ymto fyck meeeditg

u realljy llove mereduth. sjes my facouritw persin

i loce hee a lits

sces anamzibg

i lovw you toii hsdley tiyr grz9

i live yii so nuxh as wwll

gshly cam i cyt

i rab out of dribk

i waat ti cut. m

i xant?? i wabt. ti :;;(

xan i fund simeone ti hug ne lujevmeredith dows i waabt cuddkes

csn ne abd rosie cuddle in okace of mereduth. sm i allowwd ti cuddle wuth rosue?

dhes ny freund

hnhmhm i lijecmerediths beR

i an

xsn i nit cuddkw wuth risie?

u waabt neeediths cuddles :;(

sge guves goid hugs

un goibf ti cakk risie

yuur nuch morr drinker thsn i an

xan ne snd rosue fuxk?

finr fine weel cuddlllw

di you thibj she csn tell ne a storie lije meredirg dows,

um sllepy

i xabt walk to ny bedroim hahssh

nayve ill slepp on tge sofa tonigt

nught nigggt hdldleyttty

Awwait rodieeee

she xan gi home i gave meeeeredkths teedy beat

nught niiggtt hdldsdey

i live yui so do mjch

i do not remember last night

cSHE CSLLED BE DADDY WHY DIES SHE DO TGIS TO NNE

hey hadley :)

I MISSED YOU TOO

SORRY FOR NOT BEING ON THAT MUCH

SHE DID!?

hadley.. i think i fûcked someone last night? i cant rdmemver

i dobt rememver hadley :( tgis gurl said we did. byt i cabt remember

SHE WOBT KNWO

i dobt wabt her to. shell tske her teddy iff me abd she wont love me anymire abd wont let be cuddle her teddy whilse shes in the hopitak

hyst a little DOBT LEACE ME PLEASE IN SAD JAY

ojay i womt

i havemt smoked sibce new years eve sre yii proud of ne

in layibf in bed cyddlibg mereditgs vear

WHAT HAVE I MISSED

PLEASE TELL ME YOU SAID YES

my phones broken i can’t message her whoops

yeah my friend threw it out the window. she wants me to pick her up?

they discharged her?

i cant pick ger up unless shes been discharged unfortunately. they wont let her out

TGEY WERE SUPPISED TO LETVMEREDITH IUT TODAY BYT SHE HAS ANOTHER BREAJDOWN BOW SHES IN TGERE LOBFER FOR FÛCJ SAKE I MISS GER

im not drunk

meredith is

she just ran into the bathroom but she cut a lot

i just took her blade off her

but she wont let me help

help me idk what to do

she locked the door :/ fine ill go to the next best thing lol singinG

MATE YOULL NEVER GUESS WHAT

meredith is mine :)

shes not letting me in what do i do ugh

thank you

i just heard a loud bang thats it im breaking this fûcking door

she passed out. no wonder why. all this fûcking blood omg

‘ambulance. yes. my gIRLFRIEND’ i said girlfriend hadley shes my girlfriend :-)

SORRY SORRY yeah well the ambulance is on its way im not really sure what to do

i hate this part. actually the part i hate most is well. finding her passed out in a sea of blood. but the other is waiting in the waiting room for what feels like years

OKAY IM GETTING THINGS

do i wake her up?

someone told me to wake her idk. this is stressful wow

a little. not regular breathing

well. i wrapped a bandage round

the ambulance is here now

they are

yeah. so kind. they say shes gonna be alright. but arent they payed to say that anyway i mean she doesnt look alright

lol okay

so am i

there gonna stitch her

she keeps drifting in and out of consciousness

yeah. and they gave her a drip

im worried, scared, tired and hungry

five to one

no im not. i want to see her but ‘i need to let her rest’ fûcking bullshît

well its not like if i go in ill be fûcking her or something is it. ill let her rest. just sit on the chair or something idk lay with her. my girlfriend :))))

aye of course i am :))

no he doesnt lol

i dont think merediths spoken to him since before she went into the psychiatric ward

i despise talking to that fûcking cûnt

fine ill tell him

he fûcks me off so much

me and him have got into many fights

of course i did :)

well im in the waiting room. i fell asleep but this old lady just woke me up fjdfkdhfi

i dont think so

yep

my neck hUrts

omg i slept resting on my hand lol IM SO TIRED

i miss meredith

or or my girlfriend :))

I GET HER BACK FOR ONE DAY AND I HAD TO SEND HER BACK TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE SHE CUT TOO MUCH :(

yeah ugh. ONE DAY

the old lady keeps talking to me jfghcbd

she thinks that i look like her son freddie lol

i want to see meredith ugh

when shes awake

i hope soon like noW

why wont they let me lay with her ugh

i want cuddles

THEY SAID SHES WWAKE

shes so small and fragile aw

she said she loves you too

shes crying what do i do

okayy

it worked shes calming down. sort of. shes talking about her bean?

oh

in not :):

does it matter lol

well im upset with a lot of things right now

a single tear fell from my eye hahah

lol

hadley shes crying again help

im singing qnd holdinf her but its not workibg

she said she loves you very much more

okay

she said that shes very sorry

for being so ‘shellfish’ as she says

she said. its not fine i was being really shellfish and got into this mess because i was sad

it was something likr that i think

shes crynig

i hugged her and shes just melted in my arms aw :(

so do i

loll so does mine ugh. im tired

its half seven and im like almost two hours late for work

i think merediths asleep

shes on mE. do i move her and risk disturbing her

the nurse made me get her off me ugh

no i dont think so

yes she did lol shes crying for DADDY

yeah :’)

your not leaving me?

ughh

why

ohh same

well shes asleep im gonna go and get drunk

uh. me?

its never too early for a glass of whisky

whyyy

lol you know i might even smoke for the first time this year

ugh

lol have fun

aw poor hadley

isnt school in general just hêll tbh

and i want to drink

i did not know that thanks :)

so am i ugh

i miss meredith

noo im going home to get drunk we are not in the same building anymore :)):

but i want tooooo

ughh

are you going to sleep soon?

i dont want you toooo because then ill drink and then you will hate me because i got drunk at eight am

uugghhhh

fine

thank you hadleyyy

im really cold

im sleepy too

haha is that exciting?

how long is your hair atm

meredith got like eight inches off

it comes up to her shoulders now

ohh

what do you mean

oh like layered?

oh lol

me too i miss meredith

same i might go drink ;)

alright fine ill wait til your asleep

i wasnt expecting that response but okay lol your choice YOU CAN DO AN ALL NIGHTER WITH ME

ew why

tf lol. meredith has a lot of blood tests

merediths gr9

i love meredith

snap

will you be here when you wake up hadley

actually wait no

im not :))

when are you going to sleepppp

isnt it almost three am

lol okay

i slept for four hours :)

haha

im not stopping you :))

night hadleyy

its half twellve abd im drinking whoops come bsck hadlleeyy i neee you im a sad jayson

hsldey

do yiu thibk i can see neredith

do yiu think sgell hate me if i go uo drunk?

im mostly sad jayson wheb im drunk whoosp

yay ikay

whhyyyyy

i jist put salt in mu coffe omg

HSLET GUESS WGAT OMG

SGE DDIDNT LIKE NE BEIBG THERE

in sas :(

sas jaysom :(

sge told ne to gi home

i miss hrr

i wabt cuddles

i niss heee

hadleyy

i think its happened

shes finally lost it

has she ever spoken to you about aurora?

when she was little you know with her dad and his friend and everything. she said that she used to have a ‘fairy’ like. an imaginary friend. called aurora. and she ‘helped’ meredith get through all the shît and to not feel so alone. well aurora finally went away when her dad got sent to prison. but last night. i like mitchells friend got her. and you know. done stuff. and i think shes at her breaking point. talking about seeing aurora again and going to live in the forest with this fairy

i honestly dont know what to do. shes just sitting there whispering to herself... ive tried giving her a hug but she pushed me away. she just tells me to shut up hadley tf do i do

im so fûcking worried about her i dont want to give her time

hm finee

hadley shes trying to fûcking pack to move into this fûcking forest with this fûcking fairy

shes fûcking gone.

she sat down. asked me to go get her some water. shes fûcking run off

she left her shît here

im looking. i dont know where she is? shes blocked my number i cant message her

thanks.

wow thats unbelievable

oh tell her that i will go with them and she needs to tell you where she is so i can go with them but ill just take her home

hadley whats wrong with her... wheres my meredith gone.

i got home. and she was just in the corner of my bedroom. no fûcking clothes on or anything. and she was just crying. she hasnt said a word to me. she wont let me go near her

shes just stayed in my room all day. crying. well from when i got home. what do i do? do i just let her keep crying or do i try and help her? she wont let me near her. oh fûck me this is stressful

hadley do you still talk to her?

ugh

could you maybe talk to her and try and idk see whats up with her. how i can help her? SOMETHING? please

im guessing im going to get her?

fûcking hęll

hadley are you sure she said the rollerskating place? the one near the donut place and sea world? opposite the golden nugget? shes not here. i cant see her. are you sure?

do you think it was that dude with my fûcking girl.

i dont know where she is :/

could you please ask her for an update on where she is now?

nevermind i found her

HES FÛCKING TOUCHING UP MY GIRLFRIEND

shes my girlfriend :))

FÛCKING HËLL

i did. wow what a dîck

i think my mouths bleeding. that or im just gobbing everywhere

no its blood fûck sake

blood. all over my shirt. wow

im alright. why?

its 12 january :(

yeah. emily.

hah. i miss her.

lol a years past and im still going to fûcking weekly therapy appointments omg

OH MATE I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH ITS MY FÛCKING FAULT FÛCK SAKE

aw merediths leaving me :( its alright she gave me her bear lol

i want to cut hadley

honestly i dont think ive cried this much before. apart from this time last year lol. and then again at her funeral. but now fûcking hęll

i still have a drawing she made me in my wallet lol. hadley i miss her. im sad

can i cut

im just in bed cuddling merediths bear lol

yeah (‘: im gonna drink

i hate being this sad help me

i dont know. i want pity sęx. i want meredith ugh

she checked her phone. said ‘oh shît i need to go home’ and she kissed me and she ran out the door and left a sad jaysonnn :(

i hate that cûnt

ill give ber the fûcking grand

mother just called me and i answered. she hesrd my cryinh voice and judt said ‘ufh your suxh a disappointment’ omg

i cant remsmber what she said about it

hsdley

by father callwd me snd he saud !how did i ebd up with s son like yiu’ i deel horribke

ne neitger

xan i cyt?

yo ima leave n i don't know when i'll be back

gey we hsd pittty swx eaeluer ut wasbf fun thiugg

in huggibg nereditgs beae ysy

un verey sad

i cant remember yesterday

what happened? DID I DO ANYTHING WITH ANYONE I SHOULDNTCHAVE?

did i pīss off meredith? where is she?

what the fûck

what did i do now

OH IM SO FÛCKED OFF

she cant just leave

what the fûck did i do?

hadley can i cut now

whwres meredutg?

i wabt cuddles

hafley she isntvansweribg me

WAIT SHE FÛCKIVG BLOCKED NE

what does that mesn

FÛCK SAKE

did she find out that i fûcked rosie?

oh hadley fûckingr hêll :(

it waa ages ago. wgeb seh was still in the hospital

no i wabt ti fûcj mereditg

hadley i wabt beredith

wgere is sge?

csn i cyt

fûcj this in cuttibg

FÛCK SAJE

ALL I WABT IS A FÛCJIBG LOVIBF GIRKFEIEND. MEREDITG CAB BE A LOVIBF GIRLFRIEND. SGE CAN ALSI BE A FÛCKIBG. OH MY GID

wgere is she haddkey?

hn ciudl yiu aak her firmw?

huiiii ib gonna ve deletinf tgis shîtty apo

mssters?

i dobr know wgeee tgat is

hsldey in s sad jaysin

i loikked fur neeeedith byr i xant find her angrwhere

byt i wabt geredith here :(

uhh hsleedy

i hust had someobe drop off sonething to me

wgat di i so wtig a baby

yeag. this firl sxarlett.

uts cryibf wgar do i do

i tgink sge said ger names pennt idj i coukdbt understabd ger shiutibg at me

yuuuhhh i tgink so

neeediths not gobba like tgis is she.

fycjvsake.

ni. ni i dudnt i tgink we were split uo at this point. i tgink neredutg was witg soneobe

i dint recall.

tgats great!’ sfe alwsys wabted ti hsve a baby. i didbt. fûcj sake.

we xan just say in babysittibf for soneons

scarllet diesbt seem to nibd me lookibg after tgis baby

sges like s better verrsion of mereditgs bear

IN BABYSITTIBF REMEMVER

i eealy fycked uo didnt i hsdley.

i xabt losecher.

fuycj i love hee so mu h

sges ny favourite persob

ni hadlet tekk her. sges paxking her stuff i xabt loose ger

hsdkey i tgink in losungcher :(

hssley i lodt her

hadley merediths in the hospital

status epilepticus or something

its convulsive

she had a load of seizures and didnt recover in between them

they gave her anaesthetic

shes stopped seizuring now.

they said they put her in a coma hadley fûck

did you know i’m still in love with you

she was having seizures without recovering in between them its status epilepticus and they gave her anaesthetic just to get her to stop seizurinng ing.

yeah

doesn’t feel so good the other way around

i’m sorry about everything

if i had you back i’d do anything, i’d be on every single day, i’d take you out every night, i’d give it my all

it is my fault

if i hadn’t been so stupid i would still have you

it’s my fault and that’s all there is to it. i’m going to go now, i love you

she wont listen to me. she isnt waking up. hadley i want mereditg

we haven’t been talking

and you’re over me

i don’t want to put myself through this

is she in another coma like last time? will i need to wait three weeks again

you know the last thing she said to me before she had all them seizures. she said i fûcking hatw you jason. she called me jason. she never calls me jason.

do you think she would have died if i didnt call the ambulance?

hadley i dont want meredith to die.

honestly. im scared.

she was scary... she just fell on the floor and was all um, weird.

idk ive never seen anyone have a seizure before

yeah. even though she bloody hates me.

she was looking after penny like shes her own child and it was really cute

yeah she went shopping and took penny and got her all the things she needs like bottles and whatever im not sure what she brought. bsby grows. something like that

she is cute. shes the best. hadley i miss her. i want her to wake up now

do you think i can lay with her and cuddle her?

maybe it will wake her up. like the kiss of life or some shît

she will be okay. wont she hadley.

you know those stories of people who never wake up from comas. that wont be my meredith will it?

oh

i might go home and drink a little.

oh. yeah. ill stay here.

i just got kicked out of her room “supposed to give her rest” im gonna rest in the waiting area.

alright ill tell you if anything changes. night hadley

okokok like i love him a lot lol. i genuinely love him i’ve never felt this way about anyone before and now i’m really sad because i let him go:( i only let him go because he was going through stuff so i wanted to give him space and not have him to worry about me. i love him so much it hurts really really bad :(( and i’m really stupid and he deserves better and ugh. every time me and saint would talk i would think about alejandro:(( i would talk to chris about how in love with him i am and how i miss him and how he would ignore me and i would be so upset with myself and ugh. i was never over him i’ve always loved him and now i’ve lost the love of my life :(

that was a lot i’m sorry

he doesn’t believe me :(

what do i do what do i do what do i do :(

huFf

oOf

i know i know i could’ve done 1000 things differently but i didn’t and that’s my fault

they didn’t matter

they were me pretending i was with you and they’re not you and that’s why it didn’t last

yes i know. and i know it’s in a friend way

it’s killing me and i should leave now because i don’t want to cause trouble or anything

i’m already gone, i’ve been gone. you’ve got someone else

i’m going off now. i love you hadley lynn

hadls... you’ve done fine with out me

yeah i do know because i’m feeling it right now knowing you’re with him

hadley i don’t want to fight

but i was upset. you told another guy you loved him

what tf? no i swear that didn’t happen

i haven’t even talked to her for the longest time

and yes you made a mistake, yes i’ve made many but that’s just how it goes... we can get through it

but him. him

i can’t do this

wow i fell asleep im so pîssed off

meredith cant breathe on her own now

they said its the anesthetic

she has a breathing machine

she cant even breathe on her own hadley i want to take her home and wait for her to wake up there :(

want her to wake up now

i miss her

im so tired

my babys epileptic :(

i really want to go home and drink

yO i miss my babyyyyyyy shes not waking up

like sleeping beauty

she is a fûcking beauty

mm

mother found out i am now a parent and shes saying im moving up to newcastle with my father yeah like thats gonna happen

holy shît im a parent

lol i bet merediths so jealous

IF SHE WOULD FÛCKING WAKE UP

ugh

HOLY SHÎT SHES WAKING UP. there not letting me in

there scanning her stomach

she looks sad

i want to go and see my girlfriend fûck sake

no nevermind

emergency c section. apparently she was like 15 weeks or something what the fûck

im definitely not freaking out right now

no shes had it

she lost the baby

shes uh. really. upset

she was really happy about this little meredith. she was really excited it was so cute

she needs a professional. trained carer as well. i dont think she likes that

i havent seen her this upset for a long time

idk what to do

im up for doing that hahah

not if shes bleeding ew that shît was nasty

hadley shes crying a lot what do i do

shes. shes calming down niw

shes cute

i think shes asleep

shes on me. do i just stay here. wait ill put her to bed

HER FÛCKING SHIRT LIFTED UP I SAW HER CUT FROM THE OPERATION OMG THATS😷

wait did she cut her arm earlier

aw yeah she said. i mean. its just her stomach. thats a bit. graphic. but trust me itll take a lot more than that to get me to stop liking her

shît dont tell her i said that about her stomach oops

M9 i husr GOT REAKLY SAD ABD AGNRY ABD I THOUUGT OF MEREDITG AND IT CALMED NE DOWN BYT THwN I REALISES I HAVENT HEARD FRIN HER FIR TWO DAYS AMD I NISS heer

i dobr kniw hsldey i dobr kniw i niss ger

sges ny babtgirk npt his

i miss her

she keeps sending me these sticker things shes cute

she loves ariana grande. shes always ainging her songs. i think there her songs anyway. shes always saying that shes going on her next tour. but shes been saying that for a few years now. meredith is so fûcking gr9

yeah shes saying that to me.

honestly. no clue. your guess is as good as mine

yo. you awake?

fûckk. hadley. hey. did you know merediths been awake all this time? it is now. almost ten to six. shes been cutting. what the fûck do i do?

shes talking about aurora again fûck sake

not in the fridge ON the fridge she cant see up there? she tears this place apart until she finds it

great now she passed out

shît seizure

its mine im not throwing my blades out. WHATEVER OKAY HADLEY I NEED YOUR HELP FÛCK SAKE

is there no alternative i hate calling the ambulance. i. do i wash her cuts?

not normal breathing

fûck sake.

i dont think her stomach looks right. looks infected

called the ambulance and washed her cuts

she just ran out the fûcking hiuse

its alright i got her

yeah shes awake

shes talking about how much she wants to end her life. doesnt that kind of make you feel really shît? it does me. makes me feel awful

me too. i feel like a really shît boyfriend/general person in her life

there gonna give her antibiotics for the cut on her stomach

there gonna stitch the cuts she made on her arm

and hopefully discharge us quite soon.

wait no she could do something then couldnt she

i hope they dont discharge us soon

shes lashing out

fûck sake

they just drugged her

she said she loves you

she decides to lash out at me because i took her to the hospital i cant win. there gonna stitch her cuts now

she said that youre her best friend and she doesnt want to lose you

shes asleep

does she not mind losing me then

shes not going to lose me but thats not the point

ugh i dont feel good

i just want to take her out you know take her shopping out for dinner take her abroad even like the nights out she comes with me on. rarely. i like waking up and shes next to me. not in the hospital where im restricted to see her at certain times.

she had another seizure. status epilepticus

i wanna go home and get high

but now i cant

wE CaN gEt hIgH tOgEtHeR wHeN sHe gEtS hOmE

yo we used to get high together lmaø

she doesnt do drugs as much anymore

she doesnt even drink

bUt YoU kNoW tHaTs gOoD yAy sHeS cLeAn

she just broke up with me the fûck have i done

nevermind its okay hahah shes not

hi hi. m' zaira. ♡

yeah i just got in. idk where she is though. maybe asleep

what do you mean?

i think shes in the bedroom. she locked the door

i can hear crying

she told me to go away hah (‘:

did you know merediths dad wasnt dead? her brother lied to her😤

hes hurting her again but shes staying the week in a hotel with him or something

she told me that he still touches her but she wouldnt tell me which hotel otherwise i wouldve been down there and skinned him alive by now.

she just called me but she whispered something i couldnt hear fûck this im going to look for her

he was such a prîck the first time i met him. well and all the other times. yet he still means so much to meredith i dont understand why

hadley do you know where meredith is?

woa i really fûcking miss her

it hurts

i woke up this morning and usually i have to wake up meredith and i rolled over to wake her up and her side was empty i almost cried haha

shes so sweet and hot and beautiful and amazing and generally fûcking awesome shes such a badäss wow

shes so kind to everyone shes really cute

shes so mine

mate shes so not here

whats the fûcking crack where is she

she isnt answering me

you arent either

fûck sake

yOm8 im a sad jayson

really want cuddles with meredith but i dont even know where the fûck she is. she could be in fûcking austria and i have no ifea

can you take merediths place while she isnt here and tell me stories and fluff my hair thsnks

actually sorry only meredth can tell me her stories and flffvmy haie

do you think she stoll with joe?,

lidtenung to her playlist on repeat

sad jayson

tired jayson

m8 do you think shes even okay fûcking hêll

can i call someone to have cuddles. even if it was one of merediths friends do you think she would be sad about it?

nah not the same as meredith

ill just cuddle her bear

do you think merediths alright? i havent heard from her in a long time. worried.

no i didnt

duuddee did you know meredith has a friend called kitty who she met in the hospital? she texts kitty eVerY dAy these really positive and uplifting messages wow my queenie eye is the best i miss her so fûcking much

when do you think shes coming back

she only messaged me once in the last week and it was last night and she was just saying that shes in the hospital and shït agh

oh mate fûck sake i just wrote meredith a paragraph explaining my father situation but it wasnt in english so i had to delete it

oh well she wont know

I WAS GOING TO

i. what time even is visitation i had a wedding to go to at 2 so

fûck it was 11 - 2

shes gonna be pîssed

fûck

THERES ANOTHER ONE TONIGHT YES 5-7

i have ten minutes

hah itll be a surprise she’ll love me again

do you think they’ll let me bring her things this time

fûck it

she said to me “rosie said you been begging her for nudes”

m8.

then she had an outburst and she said shît like “theres nothing stopping me going out with your brother or all of your best friends”

again. m8.

they just took her away and she got drugged i think shes calm now but they had to escort me off the premises um

gadlry are yui tgerE

hasdleyy

hSDLEY

i jhhst callled the annullance

shes nit stopping siexuering

yiu know sge ficked nt twin nrogher

ibyr i dobt even xare hdslet in scares

she isnt waking up

she woke up about five minutes ago. talking about me driving some car into her? she hates me. because of something that i didnt do

mate did you know that she fûcking does that webcam shît and people pay to watch her fûcking strip and etc omg

great shes stopped accusing me of running her over now? where the fûck did she get that idea from?

as if she thought id do that fûcking hêll

hadley im not doing this today. im going home. and im gonna cut. love you hadley.

my mate. right. my best fûcking friend. facetimed me. he never facetimes me. so i answered to see what he had to say. he fûcking. got up. and hung himself.

now. as you can imagine. being told your best friend killed himself is traumatising enough. actually watching him do it? fûcks you up on a whole other level. im gonna go. for a while. idk. i might move in with mother for a while. cant do this.

say that i can cut? im gonna get fûcking smashed tonight. not the party type. the type where i sit in my room with a load of beer bottles around me.

that was fûcking horrible though. i was shouting down the fûcking phone to him. didnt listen.

oh shît yeah i need to go see his mum about a letter he wrote for me. thats gonna be emotional isnt it fûck.

i think it explains everything - why he did it etc.

helli hadlet

dint feel lihe speakibg to anyobe. dobt feel like doing anythinf.

aye. i sm

i fewwl drained snd exhausred adn emptycand lost abd really fûckhibg. ni poibr ib biebg here

csbt sleeo

i dibr jnow. i didnt tge nightv. or last bight. i wabt cuddkes byt nerrdth has ti go hone

uts pibk. light oink. bavy pink. oastel pink. tgere akk the samw

i tginj. uhh. sushi? orcun oozzaz manbe

basically a chip in tge sgape of a waffke. i tgink yiu cann thrn french friea or somteggibg. french furws incthe shaoe of a wafflw

oh iips

i tvibk thats eirher coffee ir black tea

sge dies tgese quizzes simetines. i tgink its eitger ao you get to know mire aboytc her ir checj wgat you kboe

sges a cute ledtie

hahs aw

sges allergic to nyts abd fur

like aninal fur

and i thinj she has hayfever si pollen

i muss her

ihh she loces breakibg bad and benidorm snd oranfe is the bew black and friensd snd bad education abd onlt fools ans horses

ive nevee seen friebds. abd yes i sn her lovsrer

uhh i ghink its snatxh?

wgat reference,

oh i didbt know ir was frin friebds oops

sge has a coxkney axcebt

huw did yiu kniw in irisg?

i sint remembe tellibg yiu tgat

xab i cyt?

oleasw

ikat. sorrt hadket.

teag. i wobt cyt.

hsdkey i dibt wabt ti live abyrniee

i xabt sleeo

yws pkease. byt not if sge expects be to talk. i dibt have tfe wnergy fir tgat right bow.

ut was ger mums name

hshsga

byt i beed cuddkes wgeb im sad ir i cabr sleeo

ojat

i wavt kylw to cone baxk.

i wiukd gi to bereditgs byt i cave no dycjibf eneergy ti ger uo. i havebt eatwb. i havwbrn slepr

heyy

i think my mothers sending me to live with my dad up in newcastle fûck

do you know where meredith is? i haven’t heard from her i miss her

oh. well um. could you tell her to answer me?

did you know hadley

i would be dead right now

its a shame i’m not

but i would be

my mother’s been driving me insane only since yesterday bloody hêll i’ve gotta spend a month living with her now

where is she?

fûck me that’s miles away. okay i think i need to bring my mother. ugh. right. where abouts near asda?

aye. can you tell her to wait outside and i’ll look around for her?

oh great that makes it all the more manageable doesnt it yes of course. finding a 5 year old in a 19 year olds body is hard enough let alone her sleeping with some random people oh my fûcking hêll

okay let me see if we are on the same page here. my girlfriend, is at some people’s house. and they just randomly told her to sleep?

fûcking hêll are you serious??

fûck me fûcking sideways this gets better and better doesn’t it

well to be honest hadley i have no idea what to do

i dont know where she is so. do i wait until she wakes up or...? we also have another slight complication i took my pills a little while ago and they’ll start to work soon so

i’ll send g out lto look for her

aye i’m feeling slightly euphoric now. i’ve sent people out to find meredith. gnight hadley

she just messaged me saying that she loves me and some other things

she only messaged me that once she hasn’t answered anymore

she told her friend that she’s running away :/

right i just got out of the shower i’m going to look for her

where do you think she could be? because i honestly have no idea. oh! do you know where her safe space is? she always talks about going there but i’m not sure where it is

for all i know it could be fûcking china

that fûcking bîtch. aye i’ll check there

alright i checked in and around the forest and she isnt here

i was out for three hours and my mother was worrying so i had to be home by half ten. i looked as much over town as i could cant find her

thanks. i just took a pill so i wouldn’t be much help anyway

why not? where is she?

oh no Addie :(

one of merediths mates. the equivalent to kyle maybe? she was a good laugh

fûck sake

start what over?

other people i know want to fake their age so they can get into nightclubs not school lol

haha aw

ugh

do you know where she is? im in no state to drive but i could get someone to pick her up

gun will pick her v. v nhd

no he hassnt yet heduesnt kniw where she us

it is i, daddy bob

no ones found her yet

hello I’m marilyn

mate tell her to come back fûck sake

hadley where’s meredith where the fûck is she my baby

i haven’t seen or heard from her in over a week im starting to fûcking worry now

where the bloody hêll is she?

i think me and rosie fûcked. fûck sake.

i cant remember a fûcking thing

OH MY FÛCKING GOD THEY MADE ME GO AND GET HER FÛCKING PREGNANCY TESTS AND FÛCKING EVERYTHING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HOW FUNNY I WAS NOT IN ON THIS JOKE WOOWWWWWW ITS PKAY WE DIDNT FÛCK FÛCKING HÊLL

where tgecfûcj is my neeedtih sge was supposes to be bacj at 9 abs ive been tryihf to ring ger byt it goes strauggt to voicemaik hadlwy

bloody hêll she cant just leave her life here? especially for that cûnt what the fûck is she doing living with the prîck that. fûcking hëll

tell her to come home

Hello 💓

mate. my lobster

fûcking hêll

ive cried every night into merediths bear for the last week

wow i have emotions

yeah when it comes to the fûcking love of my life moving town

its been over a week. i keep telling myself you know shes gonna come back but

i dont think she is hadley

mate

you serious?

why cant she just come back and live with me

shes telling me to call her Dakota

ive had enough of these friendly conversations i want my fûcking lobster back my meredith my fûcking girlfriend

wechavent not have spoken in years

i msii you

meredith isnr comibg back is she

i lvoe mereditg so much she so anazing and wondeeful and myfavorutoe ever

im srayinf at my mothees again

did meredith ever really love me?

but does she?

i’m watching grease and i miss meredith

yooo

i miss u

hey hadley.

n i remembered our promise

i didnt break it

i messaged you instead

yo hadley i miss u 2

theres a lot of ppl i miss

i didnt break our promise.

how are ya?

haha well its been better

honestly no not really lol

yea. i really fûcking miss meredith. shît.

i miss her being mine though

really? aw(:

yo how are ya hadls?

just alright?

yo i just got home from work and Meredith isn’t here and fûck i miss her. she left a note and it says she went to the shop lol

yeah she came home really upset, wouldn’t tell me why though :/

she keeps crying and nothing is working. i gave her hugs and she asked for a tea i don’t know

i sang to her and she fell asleep on me aw

yo i love her so much

i put her to bed and she just looks so peaceful fûck man shes like my favourite person

your a close second hadls

how are ya doing?

Meredith woke up crying shît the singing isn’t working she doesn’t want anything i’m trying to comfort her but it’s not working

false alarm she took the hug now

i just like watching her sleep. not in like a creepy way lol. but she’s so calm and wow she’s so fûcking gorgeous how is that possible fûck

nah i’m here

yooo

oh lol its okay i’m going out soon with Meredith

the Disney movie?

i love you hadlss

i love Meredith too. I love you

but fûck i love Meredith. Mate swear down if i dont end up marrying her then i seriously fūcked up because she wow. she’s so fûcking amazing fûck i love her so much

yo do you think she would even want to though? fûckk

she’s being calm and peaceful again

i enjoy her company so much she’s so fûcking adorable when she’s talking about something she loves, like uh. Ariana Grandes new album aw shes so excited for that. And when she’s talking about things that make her happy fûck she’s just so. i don’t even know a word good enoufh to drescribe her

i got the urge tocut

hadlsu

wow what was i doing i do not have wmotions fûck im fine

do youthink anyone would care if i died hadls?

i lovv you hadks

yo yiur my vest fûckibg friend

hey hadls. i love you too

i don’t think your awake

but what colour roses does Meredith like?

we got pink, red, white, orange, purple, yellow?

she does like pink but i’m not sure if she likes pink roses?

i think we’ll go with the classic red

how are ya hadls?

lol me too

meredith is so fûckibg sexy goddämnnnb thats mine

hey hadls

hey

bro are you ever energised

i could tell

lol my father said that but he doesn’t care

Meredith told me to tell you she loves you

how are ya?

shît yea haha

duddee these fûcking gyys haha they starrred it

haha yea

i think there was 5, something like that

course i won, almost haha

they were fûcking weak as shît

shît mate i love Meredith

earlier she was talking about this space stuff that she had researched for some reason and she was so prpud of herself and she was so happy that she knew that

hey Hadley

as always smh

shît. i’ve been up for 15 hours today i just want to get home and sleep

Hadls do you know what’s wrong with Meredith she’s fûcking high. She hasn’t done that in a long time fûcking hêll

update i called 999 and we were waiting in accident and emergency for a little while and then she went through and im not allowed in until she wakes up

yep

fûcking heroine.

she was bleeding as well. When i put her on her side she had blood on her shirt. I had a look and it was a lot.

kind of

we we’re talking all day yesterday and she sounded fine, i missed a call from her when i was driving home and then she was in a state

oh :/

how are you hadls?

yo me too. been up 40 hours lol

couldn’t sleep last night in the waiting room

i kept asking if she had woken up yet and if she was okay, i’m sure they got bored of me

ugh bye Hadley, and i will. Hopefully soon fûcking hêll

yo i’m so fûcking tired

still here

no, they said she’s awake but i can’t see her because she should be asleep and i can’t disturb her

i would definitely sleep on her bed but i’m not sure where she is so

i’m trying to lay down and i take up about 5 seats shît

so fûcking uncomfortable

i’ve given up trying to lay down

the door has a speaker buzzer thing and a PIN. I could just ask for Meredith

let me try

“Name? Who are you seeing? Sorry they are asleep right now” what the fûck you just said she’s talking to you

i’ll have to wait until tomorrow then, again

thank you, but that means nothing to me if i can’t get in

yeah fûck. I might sleep on the floor honestly

it’s so fûcking stupid. During the day i think you just have to do the buzzer but at night. Ugh

i’m assuming when more nurses are around and people go in

wow what if i just took one of my sleeping pills

might sleep in a funny position and hurt something though

i know i actually think i’m hallucinating

i might ask them if i can borrow a bed for the nighT

haha i just layed down again and i don’t think i have the energy to get up for decades now

tell her she needs to or i’ll go home

that’s harsh

i can’t get up so i shouted to the receptionists what time visiting hours are and they said 11am when breakfast is finished

good

gotta wait 20 minutes for my sleeping drugs to work now

it sucks laying here waiting because i know i’m tired and it feels like i could sleep without them but i can’t lol

i am so uncomfortable fûck it hurt

i can’t hold my phone much longer haha night hadls

shît i just woke up

i’m being completely honest i feel like i was reborn wow i’m so refreshed after that. Well not really. But refreshed compared to last night

visiting hours fûck

i had 9 hours sleep, i’m catching up to you hadls with your 14 hours sleep and 10 naps a day

no one can beat the amount of sleep i don’t have

it sucks. but how are ya hadls?

she asked me to take her to my favourite bars

i promise to get as drunk as i possibly can whilst looking after Meredith

i foubd a really hot pictyre of mMeredith imgonna bust a nut

she is so fûcking hot

yo hadls are you tgere

do i be a bad boyfriend abd let her have drugs. or do i be a bad boyfriend and let her suffer withdrawala

shes freaking out shes not letting me take her to the hospital or xall an ambulance

i fûcking hateseeing her like this. its horrivle

shes screaming at me to let her have a littlr bit

im not alseep

i was asleep byr im not niw

meeediths realky sick im goonahavevto take her to tge hospital AGAIN

shes really freakinf out

she hatws me

drink water uoside down

thts funny

sge does because now im tsjing her back to where she jyst got out

do it proprly and you wont choke just kibd of lean over abd get a glass of water

she saud “just let me have a little bit and ill be fune pLEASE!!!!!!😭😤”

who diesnt just have a glass if water by there bed at any time anyway

yo hddley i have to admit seeing her like tgis is so mentslly draining im not sober enough ti handle this yet

whats wrobf with water from two days ago

i drank warer i found in my roon from like weeks ago NO WASTAEG

shes just cryibg

and throwibg up

and sweatibf loads

what tge fûck hadls

i call an ambylance

she hates ne. tgatts it isnt it shes gonna mive bsck down to yarmoith because she ahtes me

shes ginna leave the countrt and chsnge her udentity now because i sent her bach to the hispital when she was shiuting at me no

hadls wull they fix her there?

i donr wanna sebd her to rehab again

she said thst she doesnt wabt the paranedics to see her like this and that its bad enough me seeing her lije this

sge said she loves you. i thinj. she couldbt finish tge sentence.

abd i will

nihht hadls

i love yiuu to hadls

nivi dont think you csn comparr loving meredith more thn me it isnt a thing

i know in definitely i denfinitely cannot hsndle this sitautiin properly my girkfrisbd lookns like sges about to fûcjing die

hadlsvsges not going ti die js she

noO

she looks fycking close to ne thisis so disressing

niggt hadks i love you

sges really hot i kove her so mhch

i was gonna ssy “i will try ny hardest nit to let ger go” but then i realused that tgats not good enough so i wint let her go sges my favourite person hiw did a girl like tgat like a guy like me wow its crszy

sges in the abilance

well si am i byt shes ghe sick one

she asked if i ciuld bring her teddy forher so i have ut

shes holdibg my hand abd shes so weak oh fyck hadks i hate seeing hrr like this

im waitibg in the waitimg room

hahaga

i miss mermmeredith

im kust huggung her teddy

some oeople cime to accidemt and emergncy and there diesnt even look abything wrong with then pushing peoole like neredith to the baxk of the queueue

hahag like bananananA

therea a video of when i was a tiny ine and i was writibgvthe word banananaba and just kept going hagahaahr

bananansnjananskakakjajanajmananamamamamamnanananananana

i reeaallllyy miss ny meredith bow it isnt funny i wanna jnow shes okay

veing honest seeibg her luke that was so csary

i felt like EYE ewas giing to cry

hopw my babyaa okaatyy

sge calles ne daddy

in really bored i night go sut with that child in the play arrra and play with her

oH dont ket meredith see that sge miggt get the wrong idea

drag ne home shouting i want a bsby!!’n

ud like ti help meredith invher quest of wantibg a child. i think being a dad wiuld be pretty cool

i jnow shes sxar scared off being fat whilsr pregannt and think that i wont like her no mire wgat a babe

H shît i forgot hadls sge said before she webt to tell me to tell you that she loves you abd shes sorry

you’re here

she hasn’t stopped crying for about the hour she’s been awake i’ve hugged her i’ve sang to her i’ve given her her teddy i don’t know what to do she’s not accepting anything

she said “tell hadley i love her a lot more and i miss her and i’m sorry”

i don’t like her like this either.

have been all day. Well. Since they let me in anyway. I fûcking hate this

she does this thing where she sits in the bathroom floor for hours on end when she’s sad or something’s on her mind

it is making me sad

i can hear her crying. she’s almost screaming. do i help her? ask her to open the door?

she’s not fûck

she needs to detox. I’m not trying to be selfish but like i can’t handle seeing her like this

ugh

not if i throw it out first

i will when we get home. She doesn’t know where i put it

she’ll probably hate me then even more than she does now

she probably does

sorry lol

she’s got the doctors over and she’s just crying i don’t know what to do

i love her so much

she wants me to read her a book

i can’t magic up a book

i’m going to the children’s section

i just realised i don’t know what book she wants

i’ll pick up a few

haha i don’t think this is Meredith’s ward i don’t know where i am i’m confused

the signal here is so shît

i found out where i am

i think lol

actually

wait yes

i’m close

hi idk where you are lol idk where i am she asked me to get her a drink and i'm lost again haha

i found my way back but she isn't here

nevermind i know where she is

i'm tired

i don't think you have ever said that you're not tired

hey hadls

Meredith says that a lot. Are they that uncomfortable

oh haha

i can’t imagine they would be that bad, but then again i don’t know. They just look normal to me

lol i'll trust you

i would never have guessed that you're exhausted

and she's asleep but she was crying right up until she fell asleep and i sang to her

come back you’re the only one keeping me company

actually i’m gonna try sleep i’m still slightly intoxicated

sleeping drUGS nothing else

night hadls

woa shît sorry i just had to check: Meredith is still so breathtakingly beautiful

okay night hadls love you

hi i can see

why

i almost lost my glasses earlier i could have been blind. It wasn't until i saw the map of the hospital and couldn't read it heh

haha but we're going home now

so do i

we're going out and Meredith is taking ages to get ready

it's sad that she thinks she has to wear really revealing clothes to keep me liking her:/

i have

how are ya Hadls?

the hedgehog?

haha ohh

they should

Meredith is taking forever to get ready

she keeps calling me upstairs to see how she looks. I say she looks beautiful and then she second guesses herself

i chose her red dress out but she didn't like it

she is so fûcking perfect and she just doesn't see it:/

we're walikng home and naturally you would wakl in the road to foolow the lines ans i felt myself going to the side next thing i knew thrre was pain oon my face hahah i walked ibto a car

it wasn't moving. It was a stationary car. But yeah hah

also apparently i'm her profile picture?

haha smh no i’m not

like last night. Meredith was so upset and she said “I told Hadley what you said and she said you’re a babe”

but smh im no baBe

it’s legit always nap time for you

she just geard a loud noise abd thinks its a bomb or a gun and shes freakibg out

were goimg home now

haha we wree out again

i ran out of sleeoing tablets laat night so i dont have anymore because i ran out od them

no u cant

im going go a pharmaceutical place

we rab to tesco because thats the only place opeb now

ice cream isgood

oh shîr ive been exposed

i havent its oyak

i dont want you to be sa sad hadls

i wont

well i love yup more

no i do

i cant sleep hadls i donr have dRugs sleeping drUgs

asleo im asad

im listenibg to my playlist of mededith spngs

did you know sges so fûcking beautiful

dobt be sad hadlssss

meredith remibds me so much of emily

of fûck Hadls i was really close to cutting last night.

i didn't.

i slept instead. Or. Tried anyway

no surprise there Hadls

how do you sleep so much

it will forever be a mystery to me how people like uou and metedith can just sleep without any drugs to help. it really sucks hahah

smh did she send yiu that photo of me hahag

she shouted "hey Jay!" i wasnot ready but who carws because well it doesnt mattwr

she showedme and i dief

self esteeem levelled up to .5 thank you Hadls

how arw you Hadls?

yo Hsdls sorry byt just a question quick

what would uou say if i cut?

sometimes i tgink "is it really wrth it? my scsrs arehealing" but then i grt in these whatever thry are snd be really sad for a coupld days hahsh

like i misd my sister

hahaha

sorry hadls

love you

well i love you morr

i love yoi

im reallly fûckibg tired

i needcthe obes from the docortr

i made an appointmwnt and three fûckibg weeks

do what weird?

oh yeah they canclled ny preescription so i need to see my doctor give me another

i miss her toi

wgen are you going to sleep?

oH yeag idk if sll be awake then

im so tired

i cant remember i think mayne i fell aslee for a couplw hours

no i think thats worse tgan no sleep ar all

well im moer used to know sleep and dont feel as tired bur right now im so tired

i hate it

i'm tired

you're always sleeping!!

love you Hadls:)

i'm going to be on a train for five hours with a hyper Meredith wish me luCk

last night when she was asleep i spammed her saying how much i love her. I don't even remember that

hey Hadls

Meredith got withdrawal symptoms again.

yesterday i fell asleep on the train without tablets

it was so strange!!

I just dropped Meredith off at detox. That was so fûcking devastating honestly.

fleeced my bank account most likely

seems like i’m not gonna sleep for a week either without her:)

hi Hadls

Meredith messaged me and i got really excited fûck

why not?

she’s only allowed on her phone once a day anyway i doubt it’s because “she doesn’t want to” Meredith’s the worst when it comes to being on her phone

me too. I’m so alone hahah

i know, i hope she’s okay:/

i’ve only moved from the sofa all day to go to the shop and get some drinks

i’m not

how are you Hadls?

i’m watching legend and cuddling Meredith’s bear

i’ve been watching Meredith’s favourite films all day i’m very cool

even cooler with my clout goggles on

of course i do

the white ones🕶

you love me

and it’s okay i wear my round sunglasses more because i’m even cooler

whoa how were they free

that sounds cool

how am i supposed to pay fûcking three and a half grand

i’m stressin

i wanna get free designer sunglasses

can i sell them

no need — i’ll send you my clout goggles

what friends are for Hadls:)

you’re a great friend too

i hAte cocky people to be honeSt

yeah. I don’t mind a bit confident but too much is no

why not?

aW

oh hahah sorry i thought you meant you was sick or something. I love kit kats

my favourite is wispa

its a chocolate bar with little bubbles in it like aero bar

aero bar is mint chocolate with bubbles in

omg how have you lived without an aero bar

do you have teaser chocolate bars?

like malteasers do you have those?

there balls of honeycomb covered in choclate and teaser bars are chocolate with tiny bits of honeycomb in it

there really gross

GOOD hahah

there really good

twix are so good

yeah i don’t like them

idk lol what else do you have?

i don’t think we have all

but we have “american sections” in shops so we can some of them there for really expensive

crunchie?

what’s a cruNch then

sounds like toffee crisp almost

smh its more caramel than toffee

how do you like caramel but not toffee

smh

Haddlllsss

i really miss Meredith:(

i still don’t have my sleeping tablets

it’s only 10:41

i’m watching The Simpsons and Homer Simpson is trying to find his soul mate

do you know who my soul mate is Hadls

i dob’t know ive bever been asked that question before. mabye? it would be Meredith anyrway

shd loves elvis presley a lot

mayve even mote than me!!

earlier she said to ne that i can go for her family therapt. i bet she didnt ask elvis to thst😎

im hungry

im so alone wihtout meredith to look after

shes probably adorably sleeping like an angel rihht now with no worries because everyone does everything for hrr

i canr sleep:(

im si tired

xan yiu help ne sleeep

night hadks i live youu

Meredith called me last night and i missed it fûck

hey Hadls

yoyo i went out today and wore my clouts it made me think of sending them to you hahah

how are you Hadls?

does your dog shake a lot

my mAtes took me out to take my mind off Meredith but if isn’t working

meredith hasnt texr me aLl day ŵtf is this shît yo i miss you

i meabt her^

i miss you too hadls

but you know what i meannm

have yOu taljed to her?

kissising and caring for jay abd his mental health hahahahah

biT gay that

shît i cannot wait to bring meredith homE

yOyo hadlsss

i’m guessing they’re the photos i sent her hahah

smh the context of that photo is too weird to explain — but i’m not gaY i still love Meredith clearly

duuuddddeeeee how am i meant to explain that hahah i don’t know

i think that was the one when Joe said he was gonna turn gay so i helped him... Smh we were very drunk

oH yeAh? what if i wanna keep my lil tAche?

i don’t wanna keep it it’s very itchy fml. I’m goiNg to shave it

yesterday i got pulled over by a cop i’m still raging

hahah i just shaved

ThE lEtTeR sPaCiNg oN mY nUmBeR pLaTe wAs wRoNg

i got a fiNe

i hope he slept well last night, knowing he made a difference in the world giving me a fine for my license plate. What with all them rapists and murderers smh

what tge fûck by who?

wwell no i havenr

she hasnt answeres me all day is she mad at me

i haven done anything whaT

fml

yEah and i feel about 12

hagah do i havw your approval now?

imagibe me when i was like. 7 and thats legit how i look hahahh

cringe worthy i’m just sayibg thAt

i wasnt my hair was cRazy

i foubd a photo of me when i was like 10 im actually cant stop laughing

i foubd obe of meredith wOw

and one from when she was going to a weddinf shes so hot

she looks about 7 in tgis one!!!!!

ahes sO hOt hadls woww

i love ger so much

smH. shes a friend. kind of. more of matts friend but she hung out the other night with us

hes her bf wha

just wAit til i see megan next smh

i hacent done anything why she so mad

smh shes not answering me shes so stunbon

fml the most ive done with a girl since shes gone is had an awkward conversation because ivknew this would happen

she answered me haraah

"Hi i'm really sorry you're just so hot and irresistible i get jealous easily"

no she didn't hahah she said "Hi i'm really sorry. It's just hard in here and i hear things and i miss you"

i think she's calmed down now

hadls why is a W callld a souble U but an M is not called a double N

im tired

you always take naps its my turn

i cant do that

whY does your ãss hurt

hahag

me too

my friends took a photo earlier and it was in the mirror. i saw my face was shaved and i tried not to laugh i look like a baby

smh i should have known she would have shown you hahah

well then now you've seen me do i get your approval hadls?

its even more embarrassing when i try to buy alcohol or cigarettes and they ask for ID and they say "Oh sorry!"

hence why i try and put off shaving my face

aNd how hot i look i hope?

oH nO No nO

smH laugh it up whY don't ya

does she want me to send you old photos of her smH

yeah Meredith's hot all around

if i wasn't such a tragic child i'd flaunt it as well

hahaha

i'm dreading to think which ones omg

well i apologise that you have to see that hahah

my hair is still fluffy smh

fair enough

why does your stomach hurt

i'm dead

yeah i'm pretty sure i'm not gay hahah

smh i love Meredith:)

sure yeah it is. But i'm noT

dude imagine if i came out gay how hurt and confused Meredith and everyone would be

see i'm thoughtful and staying straight for Meredith

no hahah

we're not weird hOw are we weird

i love how you judge all british people by some things me and Meredith does

i hate british people there so ignorant

people in Magaluf are really ignorant

i’ve never been so i can’t agree hahah

why

i just dropped my beer and i stood on the glass i think this is one of the worst pain experiences so far

how am i meant to get this chunk of glass out my foot withoUt bleeding to death or causing more excruciating pain

i almost passed out that was hOrrible

i’m prett shre theres a bit there stillcbut i don’t know

i have a gAping hole in my foot i’m rather uncomfortable right now

if Mereditg was gere she could help me. If aNyone was here they could help me hahah they went home i’m too intoxicated to sort this myself i am in a lot of pain

i’m trying to rinse it first

not to sound dramatic or somethibg hahah but fûck i feel like im about to pass ouT

i dont think a plaster will help it

also theyre pink smh

its not a cut thats the fûcking grand xanyon

glass

still

there

fûck

me fûcking sideways

i calls someone to come over and helo me

i assAid it was grand canoyn

christinas here to save my lifw

my owN foot hrts

i htutts a lot

i lovive you hadlssa

fûick i feel so shît

i just tried standing up and i felt excruciating pain in my foot tf

i woke up expecting Meredith to be next to me that was actually horrible she isn’t here

hi Hadls

my uncle died hahah.

Yeah. It's alright.

I love you too Hadls

Last night it was really bad hahah but today it's not as bad as i remember it just hurts.

It turns out he died last week fûcking hêll why was i not told

"Oh yeah the funerals tomorrow" fûck

I don't know but i'm fûcked off

How are ya Hadls?

That sounds good

Hahah okay

Thought we were gonna watch friends

Ah, multi-task?

I would like to try sonic i think it's called?

Yo i'm sad so i got McDonalds hahah

I like chicken sandwich

It just hit me that he's dead and i was gonna get so drunk tonight but i can't fûck

It's like one life for another

Was waiting for that

i just got a call saying merediths snappwd and they can't calm her

yeah i'm going now

I'm tired

10 past 12

i’ve walked up to the door and i can hear her

i’m still tired

i don’t know, i woke up

yes i was, i found sleeping drugs. How are you Hadls?

oh hahah

what why not

i need to get ready but i don’t want to

ohh

I got in there and she was crying loads, throwing things about and hitting things. And then she saw me, stopped what she was doing and just fell to the floor and cried so i calmed her down and then put her to bed and had to leave

it took a while and they were rushing me smh

yeah she was. She was asleep when i left her, but when i got home she text me asking me to go back:/

tomorrow

i’m not looking forward to later

it’s fine it was just the one who raiSed me but what can you do. He made terrible life choices smh.

you think?

fûCk i don’t want to do this. I would rather stay home and drink. Want to hurt myself hahah.

i am trying Hadls.

yeah ,i’m just sitting here. I’m trying to not do anytging.

iblove you too Hadls.

hahah and watch friend s

fûck hadls. i’i really want to fûcking cut. I’m sorry im like this. hahah.

yeah, i know. im trying. l

love you Hadls.

I hated today hahah

im tired

i cried im' still cryinf

i stilll wanr to cyt.

im stull crying hHah

they wantedd me to speak earlier abd i said no smh "Rick was great especiallt in raisibg me goodbye"

you kno wgat i wpuld love right now

to cyt and i wouldnt mind a hug honestky hahaj

yiu know itBeen sibce septenber i havent cyt

xan we pause tge promise for a minutw?

it can be my reqard for going so long

im alreadfy doing tgat and i feeel like irs making me more sad if tfats possible?

sge does isnt working right now thoughh

i probavly should but idony really wamt to think im just gonna lay here for night

i was makibg myself a sandwich abd i was doing graat until i grabbed the knife and got sad hahsh

fûck hadls irs a sign! i was thinkinf about cuttibg i got stopped

i fell ocer

i think so

mwredith comes home tomorrow

yes well im happy sbout mereditg coming home. not abiut much else right now

yws ilove her

in pickind her up tomiirow

ywes

ne not so much

statung facts not arguibg

its fscts when in sad like this

metedirh really is adorabke

im aad hadls

jusr want ti talk ti rick hahahh

a biit shît reslly

neeedith

mm thsts s good idea

ny foot hyrts

in not cheered up mych sorry ahdls.

i hooe so i dont like deelinh like this.

ill be okay wgen im sober ill slep

i jusr took sleeping drugd i need ti wait fml

4:34

its liggt out side

uts summer its alwaya light early

and im wauting for my drugs ti kick in now

ita ligght now

riughly 20 minutes

i am in im bed. night hadls ill go waut for them to work. love yiu X

That’s cute hahah she loves that nickname

What up my names Jason and i’m semi-sober & semi-fake-happy:)

Yo i’m getting my new car today:)

hahah as happy as i can be i guess

wouLd you looK aT that fresh wHip

hahah how are ya Hadls?

smh you can search it they all look the same except mines bLack

sorry to bother you Hadls but i'm sad hahah and i want to cut smh.

i like it too thanks:)

hahah yeS

i want to cut Hadls.

Wow i was alright, fell asleep. Meredith woke me up and i'm sad hahah.

i'm going out for a drive and try not to cut.:)

got home and Meredith’s fûcking high.

it's not that i want to. She's not helping herself if she comes out of detox and uses it again like every other time i've taken her there. Just a break. I can't help her anymore i need to sort my mental health out as well whilst she's in detox.:')

by taking a break?

smh not that we shouldn't be together. Were still talking in all honesty how long do you think this break is actually going to last. I just need to know that she's helping herself so i can help myself that's all

yeah there's no doubt about that. She needs me. But i can't need her if she's in a state. Which isn't helping me further. If i'm having one of my "off days" i just need Meredith but that isn't her.

i try my best to help her. But she needs qualified help. Why else would i pay their ridiculous prices smh

hey Hadls

well how long until you go home?

i got to Meredith and she really fûcking hurt someone shît man.

she was obviously fûcking high as a kite. I went over to her try and calm her down she just threw a hit at me

Hadls do you know where Meredith is?

hinhadls

i honestly cant imagine it

well-

Doesn't tgat sound excisint

tpu know what i realised

its actuLly really easy.. shît man. Anyway i wanted to say bye hahah. Goodbye Hadls, live you XX

do you know what's more embarrassing than me living my life? Me living my life after i tried ending it🙃

yeah, i probably don't know

hahah

why is it so important for me not to do it?

i love you too Hadls

hey Hadls

Hadls you know im the last person who WANTS to send her there.

wiah i miss her so mych all ready

jesus christ shes likw the cutest person to exist shes si fûckin adorable wow

i love mereduth so much

i loVE uou tooo Hadlsss

cAnt forget about uiu!!

youuu are rge reason my scars abd cuts are healed /healing aNd i wanted to say thank ypuu XX

wow i cannit wait until meredith cones home im lonely my bed is wmpty i have no one to look aftter

ahes fûckin amazibg i love looking affer meredith

soRry to annuy you

but im feeling like i could do some iireversible sTuff tonight.

woag

it sucjs

but urs olay

29 days keft until i see meredirh fûcj

ahea getting bettrr

i shiuld be

i git a new counsellor

but im tginking i need a different ine

i went ti the office today abd it looksed so bsd hahah

dreading meeting the actyal person

its Lright if she helps ne bot want to kill nyself im okay

shįt

it ciuld be so easy to di it mow shes gone.

ah hadks.

i love nerediths comfortibg. last tine she said "uou wont be anle to drive your new car" 10/10 for tryibg

my crr is sexy i pull up in it abd people stare at me

hahagha

akright sorrt i think in a bit stable now.

hey Hadls i don't really know if you're actually on anymore. I miss you. Uh. Could use some company hahah. Whenever you're on.

oh. Thank god. Hey Hadls

uh hah sorry to bother you. :/