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hey sophie idk what im doing rn but i wanted to come on here and say im sorry for literally everything i did to you i believe you deserve a long honest explanation/apology and i know i could just be bothering u or something of that sort but i don’t wanna be the reason someone develops trust issues or like idk i don’t want u to be wondering what was happening (hopefully ur not but yeah i feel guilty and i want to like apologize u literally don’t need to reply or accept this apology in any way i just wanted to attempt to come clean even tho it’s been what 2 years?) uh so idk where to start but when i first met u i was a troubled lesbian 10 turning 11 year old who had absolutely no idea what was going on in life or what sexuality is or what anything was and i just lied about literally everything i think i was obsessive YK WHAT S*CKS ABOUT THIS IS THAT ID LIE ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING BUT NOT REALIZE IT WAS WRONG TO LIE???? idk but yeah i don’t want to stereotype mental illness but it’s the only way to explain what was going on in my head but ive had mental issues for years by now and u happened to be the victim of my behavior im better now ive gotten treatment and im 15 turning 16 and super obviously my name IS NOT KYLIE im not american or jewish or whatever i told u i don’t remember a lot of it but yeah im so sorry idk why i did that but yeah i was obsessive and super obviously in love with u (this is so bad im so sorry) id explain things in detail but idk how if u want me to continue i will but yeah im so so so so sorry i promise ive felt so much guilt for it after treatment and realizing just how bad i was (it wasn’t malicious ever it was literally just a kid blinded by their bpd and doing whatever that was thinking it was genuine love and not obsession or anything bad) i cant believe back then the thing i was most scared of was u knowing how i felt when now im extremely open about that but im sorry u had to go through that u were never anything but patient with me and whatever baggage you’ve carried after what happened wasn’t ur fault and will never be and im lucky u ever came into my life and i hope ur healing and okay and happy and safe and everything good (update: after trying to comment this pc said ive used profane language so now im trying to remember the rules again)
i was continuing this when my mom cut me off but i was saying mental illness isnt an excuse so im really sorry for everything :( i think this needs a huge TW so TW!!!!!! if im gonna be honest i have to like share the whole thing even tho im not sure how my name isnt kylie it starts w k tho and i live somewhere in asia. i grew up in an ab*sive household and a rly discrim*native area where if i spoke my own accent id get h*te cr*med and yeah it was really bad so i was kinda brought up w the mentality that i couldnt be who i was? idk if this makes sense but thats why lying was so normalized to me i didnt even know how it was wrong and i guess i just really needed to feel safe and accepted even if it wasn’t for who i really was and that’s when i found PC and we became friends idk how that friendship escalated into me being obsessed and dependent but i pretty much based my whole life on it i think it just made me feel ok for once so i couldn’t stop and i went to great lengths w my lies just to feel ok again?? DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE IDK and the reason id disappear for months was that my dad would ground me a lot and it was like yeah ok ur grounded for 2 years and most of the time when i was talking to u it’s because i found a way to do it behind his back when rly i was grounded most of the time (why id disappear all of a sudden then come back w some stupid excuse) like atm ive been grounded since july 2020 so i hope u like get an idea of it 😭😭 also i wanted to say just because my life was rly messy from a young age that doesn’t mean u deserved the way i treated u at all i just wanted to explain so u don’t overthink it urself or wonder how it’s ur fault and what my true motives were and stuff like that im not asking for ur pity in any way im just hoping this brings u some kind of internal peace like to have ur possible questions answered
also the reason i one day blocked u everywhere is that i started healing mentally and realized something was very wrong about what was happening but i didnt know what to do ab it
omg i literally just saw your message thank you so much i feel so BAD 😭😭😭😭😭 id give a better response bc im scared of saying anything here but if u want to talk maybe i could give u my insta??? if ur comfy w that ofc i genuinely hope i didnt scar u for life i was so weird stop
but im scared**
me again i just realized that was like 4 months ago..... i dont get notified cause i only use pc on pc so i genuinely didnt know but i swear i appreciated ur response so much and i honestly truthfully am so grateful that (as far as ik) u didnt experience much emotional damage bc of my actions but i also think that u probably did and i could never fix that no matter what i do but id love to talk to u again and tell u everything honestly (not trauma dumping, just good stuff)
ever since i sent that message so much in my life has changed and UR IN UNI NOW??? I JUST READ UR POST OMG im preparing for uni and im so scared idek what im gonna major in
CONGRATULATIONS THIS IS SO WEIRD I HOPE UR HAVING FUN (dont think this is rly a uni thing but whatever) AND FOLLOWING UR DREAMS
WE SHOULD 100% TALK AGAIN (but this time with me mentally stable and normal and not crazy) IF U WANT TO
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