PicCollage

I think

I think she's waiting for Liam

And maybe she loves me

I don't see how she could

I'm not good enough for her

I wasn't good enough for you either

obviously

I just want to hide

and cry

and stop fighting

that night when I almost asked her to kiss me

all those comments on Liam's page

bold

not afraid

excited

we were excited for the future

what am I?

a liar?

a storyteller?

a disappointment?

a failure?

a dreamer?

a believer?

a friend?

a lover?

all of the above?

my head hurts

nostalgia and love mixed into one is a hxll of a drug

I accidentally searched Johnhamishwatson yesterday

i meant to come to this account but it popped up and I don't know why but for a moment I forgot that was my account now

and I thought you had come back to me

my mistake

I'm not worth coming back for

I never have been

I don't know why you came back the first time to be honest

I remember that one night you cut while I was on private

I thought you were going to die and I was crying and shaking

you had to tell me over and over again "Chris, it's okay. I'm not dying. I'm not leaving you."

at least twenty times before it finally registered that I wasn't going to lose you

In the end, I did lose you

And gained something new

I'm rambling I suppose

I don't know

I know who I am, but I don't know what I am

I see it all in black and white, but I only feel in grey

"Funny, you're the broken one when I'm the only one who needed saving..."

Something in my still believes she could never love me like that

*me

There's a part of me that thinks maybe

I still would.

I still would kiss her.

But I'm too afraid for things to change

I want that maybe-lovers thing

But I always thought I would stay single

And if I wasn't single I'd be dating.. well, a guy..

I do love her

So much

And I wish I could tell her exactly how I feel, but I can't

Because sometimes she feels like my little sister and sometimes she feels like my best friend and sometimes she feels like my lover

I love her in a hundred different ways and I can't just explain one because they go all together

And with every one there's a fear

A hundred fears to go along with a hundred ways I love her

I could never be enough for her

I know she says I am

But I'm so afraid of myself

So afraid of the "Moriarty" inside me

I stressed her out

She's afraid to come see me

Liam should just come back, I'm an idiot

My head hurts

I should delete every comment I've ever sent

They aren't worth anything

Sending messages to a god dxmn dead girl

I wish my mother would leave me alone

I wish life would leave me alone

She doesn't have to come if she's afraid to

I'll be okay

Maybe if I say it enough times it'll be true

I'll be okay eventually

I am the monster

I am not worth heartbreak

I am not worth a second glance

I do not get to be loved

I keep my mouth shut to protect people

I hide what I feel

Let me die.

I should. Because I know exactly how I feel about you. I know exactly what I want us to be. But I am not enough. I have been enough and I never will be enough.

I've tried to tell you, but it never works because I can't find the right words.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I'm probably going to do. I'm sorry for being annoying. I'm sorry for stressing you out. I'm sorry. I'm so, very sorry.

You are t going to do anything.

You can't tell me what to do

I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry...

Argetlam, please

God fxcking dxmn it

I had to leave because I can't take back what I wrote last night about Andy and Ivory

It hurt her. She hated me for it. And I wish I could say I didn't believe it, but I do.

And I can't take it back. I'm so sorry, but I can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't do the fights and the distance and the never minds and forget its. I wish I could, but I can't.

I can't take it back and so I had to go