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idk who this is but let me tell you: i used to think the same way and i always kept my feelings in, but then i found a few core people i could trust to talk through it and it really helped. if you have anyone close to you that you can talk to (in real life- or if you don't feel like you trust them- and on pc) and just vent to them. they'd rather hear your story than watch you suffer. trust me ♡